Superwoman

I recently had a friend call me, distraught, because she thought she was an unfit mother. Her 9 year old daughter was constantly nagging her that she was bored and wanted to play/be entertained. My friend felt that she was somehow lacking because she didn't WANT to play with her child all of the time and hadn't the patience to play game after game with her. This brought to mind an article I read some years ago about how today's women are immediately set up to be failures by our society's definition of a "complete woman".

The modern woman must have a career (not a job, a CAREER), marry or cohab with some similarly career-oriented partner, own and maintain the perfect home, have 2.5 children (how do you have half a child?) who are perfectly mannered and with whom family time is all the time they're together, and be a member of the homeowners association, the PTA, and a half dozen charitable organizations. Good God!!! I couldn't do it... Don't know anyone who can.

Year after year, I watch women actually try to attain this impossible goal... Why? When do these superwomen have time to be a PERSON? I'm sorry, but I believe that definition of a modern woman is a load of crap.

First of all (I can hear the protests now), most women cannot have a career and raise a child without one hell of a support network. In the formative years, a child simply needs too much bonding time. He/she needs that sense of security that mom or dad are going to be there for them at a specific time each day as well as for the school play or the baseball game or when they're ill, etc. Careers negate the ability to have this time (be honest, you know it does).

In anthropology, we learn that it takes a village to raise a child. It's a solid truth. And the head of that village needs to be a parent. Typically, this task falls to the mom (although dads are taking part more and more). To be healthy and secure, any child needs that structure and dependability.

And who decided that we need to "entertain" our children??? *add in your swear word of choice* How can we expect our young ones to develop initiative and imagination if we're constantly providing them with whatever stimulus is in demand at the moment? Even worse is the idea to set them in front of a computer or tv! What happened to puzzles, coloring books, playsets, and... OMG... BOOKS???

Perhaps I was lucky in my children. My oldest could go to his room for hours and play and play and play... Star Wars, Thundercats, Transformers, workbooks, and books to read... Together, we'd do puzzles and a few games or watch 1 or 2 tv shows together. He was such an easy wonderful child to have! My daughter was my son's pride and joy. She was "his baby". Her first belly laughs were caused by her big brother. He led her on adventures all throughout the house and yard. They were best friends in those first few years. My youngest was a repeat of his brother with the added bonus that he had two older siblings who doted on him.

I didn't even realize until my children were grown that I really haven't a penchant for the whole "having kids" thing! Nope. Really. As a group, I don't care for kids. Sacrilege, I know. Now, individually, I love the littles that are in my life. For a short bit of time... After that, I'm clueless. Don't know what to do with them and hanging them from the rafters is frowned upon. However, I must emphatically state at this time that my one grandson has me firmly wrapped around his little finger... which is a huge surprise to me! LOL He owns my heart and I miss him unbearably.

But what about this whole thing that a woman isn't complete unless she HAS at least one child? Hello??? Talk about a stupid idea. I know several women who are perfectly content with their lives not wrapped around their child's latest triumph or downfall. They are happy and complete in and of themselves without all of the labels society insists they wear.

This is the important thing regardless of which or how many hats you chosen take on... to be content with the person you are. Society's expectations are ridiculous. If you really think about it, they usually are. Be yourself. Define yourself. Seek your own goals, those that stem from your heart. And if you happen to decide that running a company and baking cupcakes at midnight are your cup of tea, go for it! I'll be here to catch you when you keel over from exhaustion.

PEACE!