New Year's Resolutions...

Damn, we make it tough on ourselves, don't we? "I'm going to lose 500 lbs." "I'm going from couch potato to competing in triathlons." "I'm gonna quit a five pack a day habit in 2 days." "Yea, well, I'll get my GED, then my PhD." Gees...

Come on, people! Except for those few notable people (whom I secretly loathe) with EXTREME discipline, most of us are setting ourselves up for failure. And that's not a good way to start the new year. Believe me, I've been among the sinners with an alarming regularity myself, so here's my thoughts on the subject...

Let's plant a seed and leave a little room for improvement. Kind of like when you first start working out at a gym. You don't walk out of there ready to compete in Mr./Ms. Universe, ya know?

My theme (following the Buddhist state of being) this year is "moderation". My first task will be the easiest...

1. EVERY morning without fail, I promise to make the bed as soon as my spouse (yes, he still lives and breathes after the dye incident) arises. I usually wake at sunrise for some ungodly reason.

2. I will work on this blog every day. This doesn't mean POST every day, so you can release that scream of frustration you're holding! Some of my posts have taken days to write, either due to lack of concentration, constant distractions (oooo shiny!), or tough subjects that I want to get just right.

3. I will do at least 1/2 of my PT exercises every day. I realize that doesn't seem like much, but if I did all of them, we're talking about 2 hours of my day and I simply don't have that sort of focus.

4. I will cut down on my inhalation therapy. Yes, I'm a smoker. Don't bother writing me about the insanity of the habit. It's MY habit and I'll keep it, thank you. You really wouldn't want me writing this from prison after I killed everyone who irritated me, now, would you?

5. I'll work on the whole "I'm sad so if I buy this thing I've wanted then I'll feel better" mindset. Yes, I'm also a Pier 1 and book addict.

6. I will either a) lose 5 lbs. or b) drop a clothes size. That'll be a tough one since my body seems to have it's own ideas on how much I should weigh.

7. I will continue my campaigns from last year... Random acts of kindness, getting others on the recycling bus, and trying to convince my family of the benefits of healthier eating.

Baby steps, all. I realize that. But attainable, don't you think? I believe that the whole idea of resolutions should be that we become better people. If we're better, then we can help make our little corner of the universe just the teeniest bit nicer. A good thing all in all!

So, what is on YOUR agenda?

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you... May it be the brightest and best of all!

Now That I've Had My WHINE and Cheese!

'WINTER'
a poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT...It's Cold!

The End

Well, that post on winter was rather depressing, eh? We all have days... sometimes LOTS of them... during which we feel that way... Just kind of lost. I know I'm not alone in that. Why did I post something that whiny? Maybe so that someone else would feel a connection and understand. It's "normal" for people to get to that place now and then. Damn! Did I just use the "N" word??? LOL

It's a full moon, so I couldn't sleep but my brain has yet to engage, so let's just say I'll build on this post. Good Morning, boys and girls! Waaaaaaake up!!!

And here's a neat article to keep you busy for a bit while I put my brain back in: Full Moon Now, where did I leave that brain jar???

Don't you just HATE it when you have your own personal pity party??? Yikes! It makes me nuts. (Yea, yea, yea. I know. Too late.) Once it's over and done, I always wonder where that came from. Boredom and a desire to find that "something special" that's always featured in prose and songs, I suppose. I think we set ourselves up for that one on a regular basis.

So... Tis the season, boys and girls. Christmas, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Kwanzaa... Hell, Howling at the Moon in the Depths of Winter... whatever you celebrate. It seems we all celebrate something at this time of year. Some primeval sense of "Hey, I'm surviving", perhaps? It's GOOD to come together, whatever the reason.

Saturnalia is the Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. Since the dawn of humankind, it has been celebrated as the death of the old and rebirth of the new. The tradition that modern civilization partakes of on New Year's is appropriate during the Yule season as well. What better time to come together with those near and dear to us? To touch and reaffirm?

It's also a good time to do a little self-evaluation.

A friend of a friend has this expression that she uses whenever she gets the urge to cut the clutter. She calls it "de-shitting". Maybe this year, we can de-shit our lives? Cut away the crap that bogs us down and free up some personal space for those things that are really important, home and family (this includes our "chosen family" as well).

It sure sounds good on paper, doesn't it? Let's think about it...

Take this holiday season. How many of us get so wrapped up (hehe) in the holiday season that stress becomes our middle name? Now I ask you... WHY? It's like we're in this competition to get the newest and best for EVERYONE. That typically translates into "expensive".

Okay... this opinion doesn't count for the littles on our lists... well, maybe to a certain extent it does, because we go waaaaaaaaay overboard with them as well.

Gift-giving is supposed to be a joy, a mark to show we care, that someone is in our thoughts... It's a physical reminder of a bond. The price tag is NOT a gauge of that affection. So, why are freaking cars advertised as the perfect gift? I'd severely throttle anyone who gave a vehicle as a present!

It's time to rethink this strategy, to cut it back to a more reasonable possibility. My parents' generation didn't spend big bucks like we do today. One gift (except for the kiddies) for a few select individuals or a family as a whole and you were done. Wow... Just think of the breathing room that would leave, much less the pressure on ye olde credit card.

And I can't tell you how many homes with children have the appearance of a toy store explosion at this time of the year! Those "poor" babies don't know which way to turn or what to play with simply because there are so many choices. People! Less is more, particularly in this example. Let them have a few well-chosen things to treasure. Quality not quantity.

Turn back the hands of time. Especially now when we're all feeling something of a monetary pinch. Pare down that list. Lower how much you're willing to spend. Hell, let's go back to the handmade present. Or chocolate... Y'all can give me lots and lots of good dark rich... What was I saying??? Oh, yea... Lists. LOL

So in this season of commercialism, I give you something without price yet overflowing with all I am. I send to you all my deepest wishes for love and home... for a heart that knows its worth... for time to enjoy those things special to us... but most of all, for peace.

Happy Holidays!

Winter as Loneliness

Winter sets in as does the pain in my joints, so here I sit... either in my studio with the little space heater cranked on high or in front of a roaring fire in the living room as close to the hearth as I can. The only voice most of the time is my own as I talk to my small pack of dogs. I'm tired as I don't sleep well in these cold months... and I dream of summer... The hot humid days, the laughter of friends around me, and the beach.

Most of all, I'm lonely. I'm not one of those people who does well alone day after day. Oh, it's fine if I'm alone by choice, but when I'm not? I don't like this...

Perhaps you wonder where are all of those that I love so well and who normally fill my life? Ahhh... there's the crux. Life happens. Regardless of what we do, there's an ebb and flow to everything around us. Right now, things are simply flowing in another direction. Most of them are involved in other aspects of their lives. It happens. But... DAMN! Did it have to happen to everyone at once???

I've learned to hate the cold cloudy days when the wind blows and the rain falls like tears. I used to find some contentment in this season... I don't know where that went. Emotions can be so ephemeral. In my case, they always are. I've been known to change with the seconds on the clock.

So what shall I do with myself in this dour season? That's what I ask myself every day when I awake. There ARE possibilities after all, but none of them sound appealing. I could paint... I have two canvases in progress. I could read... I have at least 10 books waiting for me. I could clean... (I have a REAL problem with that one. Love a clean, neat house. Hate the process.) God knows there's always cleaning to be done. I don't want to do any of those things.

I have no clue what's wrong with me. Maybe a case of SAD... (Boy, they named that one right, didn't they???) But that doesn't seem correct. It's one of those things that, when I try to grasp and define it, it simply slips away. Perhaps I'm merely too introspective? That tends to happen whenever I have so much time on my hands.

I know this is the whole "fantasy vs. reality" argument that I always present, but I see things on tv or in postings online and there's this huge happy world of friends and entertainments and interaction and LIFE represented. Where can I buy into some of that? Not all the time, just now and then??? I want that shared inside joke and laughter at goofy things. I want people around to tease me or chastise me over some small mishap. Damn it!

In the summer... even in the spring and fall, I can be positive. I can get excited and see the world as my realm to explore. I can even claim occasional moments of insight and wisdom. So, where has it all gone?

I just realized that my problem is I'm discontent. What right have I to that? There are so many who do so much with less... I'm a survivor. I have survived life. But, what else? "Now is the hour of our discontent"... Bull shit!

I create paintings that I haven't the means to show. I write words that perhaps might mean something, but I'll never know. I've raised my children... and they're good people. Now what?

No one will hire me because of my limitations. Don't you hate that word??? Limitations. Fuck that. I have a good mind and I love to learn. Hell, I have a couple of minor degrees. Whatever. I can organize and manage things like most wouldn't believe and have a knack for nailing problems on the head. Argh...

I've always been that person that steps outside of the mainstream and I LIKE that about me. I guess I'm the "black sheep" or the "red-headed stepchild". I don't care. That makes me interesting, don't you think? I'm that "other perspective"! LOL

Ahhhh... Humor, at last!

I have no patience for pathetic drama, especially my own. So, what can I do within the walls of my own home to create an effect? to bring interaction and the human touch? How can I bring purpose to the who and what of me??? I've lived more than half a century. There should be SOMETHING to harvest in that! If not, I guess I'm screwed.

If only I could grasp that ephemeral something I chase round and round in my head!

For now, I'll simply raise my glass in a toast to those ears out there that hear me. My deepest thanks!

Desiderata

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and little writing. Sometimes that's just the way things go.

I've thought of hard times (haven't we all?), friendship, religion, faith (yes, they ARE two separate things), relationships, finances, politics. The list goes on and on...

It's strange how all of my thoughts have kept winding around to a bit of prose from my youth. This "poem" (it certainly isn't a story) struck me to the depths of my soul when I first heard it. It continues to do so still, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Perhaps it might bring you some peace as it does me.


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

written by Max Ehrmann in 1927

Buddhist Thoughts...

"The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances."
Atisha.

"Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.”
Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh.

"When the mind begins to become still, we then begin to truly see it. When you first try to stabilize and pacify the mind, initially it will become very busy because it’s not accustomed to being still. In fact, it doesn’t even necessarily want to become still, but it is essential to get a hold of the mind to recognize its nature. This practice is extremely important. ... Eventually you will find yourself in a state where your mind is clear and open all the time. It is just like when the clouds are removed from the sky and the sun can clearly be seen, shining all the time. This is coming close to the state of liberation, liberation from all traces of suffering. ... The truth of this practice is universal. It isn’t necessary to call it a religion to practice it. Whether one is a Hindu or a Moslem or a Christian or a Buddhist simply doesn’t matter. Anyone can practice this because this is the nature of the mind, the nature of everyone’s mind. If you can get a handle on your mind, and pacify it in this way, you will definitely experience these results, and you will see them in your daily life situation. There is no need to put this into any kind of category, any kind of "ism."
Venerable Gyatrul Rinpoche

The Eight-Fold Path
Sila is morality — abstaining from unwholesome deeds of body and speech. Within the division of sila are three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Speech — One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way (samyag-vāc, sammā-vācā)
2. Right Actions — Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm (samyak-karmānta, sammā-kammanta)
3. Right Livelihood — One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly (samyag-ājīva, sammā-ājīva)

Samadhi is developing mastery over one’s own mind. Within this division are another three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Effort/Exercise — One makes an effort to improve (samyag-vyāyāma, sammā-vāyāma)
2. Right Mindfulness/Awareness — Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness (samyak-smṛti, sammā-sati)
3. Right Concentration — Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion. (samyak-samādhi, sammā-samādhi)

Prajñā is the wisdom which purifies the mind. Within this division fall two more parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Thoughts — Change in the pattern of thinking. (samyak-saṃkalpa, sammā-saṅkappa)
2. Right Understanding — Understanding reality as it is, not just as it appears to be. (samyag-dṛṣṭi, sammā-diṭṭhi)

May you find peace in your soul.

Coping with ADD

The other day, I had the misfortune of a long wait in a doctors office and had forgotten to bring along a book... Sacrilege, I know! I looked around, expecting to find ancient copies of Better Homes and Gardens (the New Victorian Craze!) or at least a National Geographic. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Just one half-shredded issue of Game and Fish in a basket full of "publications".

I don't know what to call those things... They haven't enough pages to be a magazine and they're too large to be called a pamphlet. You know the ones, all about various medical conditions. Well, lo and behold, there was one called "Attention: Information and Support for People Affected by AD/HD". Cool!

I picked it up and scanned through it. Lots about medicating and even an article in Spanish. But there was one particular article that caught my eye, "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About AD/HD Coaching (But Were Too Busy to Ask)".

Back when I was young, ADD wasn't a known condition. I don't know if it was an available diagnosis, I only know that we never heard that term and no doctor ever suggested I might have it. When it was finally discovered that I am in fact ADD, I was already at that stage of my life in which I don't care for the idea of taking drugs for much of anything (there are a few exceptions, but I won't go into that here). Instead, I learned my own little coping mechanisms... All on my own! Aren't you proud of me??? LOL

Anyway, back to the article.

It seems that the idea behind this AD/HD coaching is sort of like AA or a Quit Smoking or Weight Loss program in that it provides the client with someone to back up the medication with a reinforcement regime and positive motivation. It's written by Nancy Ratey, EdM, MCC, SCAC (whatever all of those initials might represent!). What caught my attention (no pun intended) was her "Seven Coaching Tips".

1. Pre-Plan the Day Before
Always plan the next day before going to bed. This way you’ll have in your mind what you are going to do, when, and how. You will wake up more directed and centered.
2. Create Book Ends
Get up and go to bed at the same time each day. Having regular body rhythms, as well as predictability and consistency in your schedule, will help increase efficiency.
3. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!
This is KEY to peak performance and to gaining focus and control. Don’t skip it ever!
4. Think in Terms of Threes
To reduce stress, ask yourself to name the three most pressing items for the day that, once completed, will make you feel a sense of accomplishment. These do not have to be BIG items; they can be returning a phone call, filing a file, etc. Write them down and keep that list in front of you. Cross each item off as you complete it. Then move to your next three pressing items.
5. Stop Avoiding
A well-known author once told me, “You become the first thing you do in the morning. If you want to be a writer, write.” People in general know which item on their to-do list that they want to do last. Identify that item and do it first. That is the first step in gaining control!
6. Park It
Distracted by random thoughts? Park them on a piece of notepaper to stay focused on the task at hand! By doing so you can go back to these items later and act on them if necessary. Often these distractions are just that distractions and not priority items.
7. Take Time to Play
Take time off as seriously as you do your year-end report. The cost-benefit of not taking breaks from today’s busy life only sets you up for burnout and loss of control.

Until I read this article, I hadn't realized that my personal coping methods were actually legitimate. I was amazed! And, here my kids just thought I was being anal. No. I've always told them that it's the only way I can get things accomplished since I'm so easily distracted (ooooooo shiny things... ). Here's my take on Ms. Ratey's steps:

1. Pre-Planning
At night before I do my boring little ritual (see prior post on ADD), I think about what I need to do the next day. Then I put these things into a sensible (to me) order. If I don't do it, then I don't typically accomplish much. It REALLY helps if I actually write myself a list, but that doesn't always happen. Witness, last night was an uncomfortable night for me so here I am writing this rather than getting to the things I should. I failed to create a plan.

2. Create Book Ends
I go to bed when I'm tired, so I guess I've never consciously tried this one. However, I usually wake up about the same time each morning and have my own morning rituals that I follow (read OCD!). After that, well, it depends on how well I've followed step 1.

3. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yea, I DO have to have some sort of active period in my day. I try to make it something fun. Sometimes it's a game of musical furniture. In the spring, it might be musical garden! I had thought I'd reached the age at which I didn't need to move so much, but I recently had a friend nickname me "Pop Tart"... Guess I was wrong! Right now, I suppose my PT regime falls under the category of exercise (I can even read while I'm doing the routines on the Total Gym. Nifty, eh?). I've tried walking. Boring! Maybe someone out there can give me some pointers on this one? I've been forbidden to do yoga or real weights right now and can't do aerobics because of my knees. Frustrating!

4. Think in Terms of Threes
I've always kept a short list in my planning, then a list of "if I get this done, I can...". None of the things were as simple as the ones she suggests. But she has a great point about the short list. A sense of having met a goal spurs me on.

5. Stop Avoiding
Oh God! I am the world's WORST procrastinator! LOL Read this one over and over and over... It is a must!

6. Park It
Yup... Make those lists. There's a sign in ASL that can be interpreted as "off point", meaning to stray from the topic. That's me in a nutshell. I get so pissed at myself when I forget things I want to do. Definitely makes me a cranky girl and that helps nothing.

7. Take Time to Play
Did I mention that I'm sitting here at the computer rather than doing what I should??? I take my play time QUITE seriously. I blog, have pages on Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, and I have friends with whom I e-mail on a regular basis. New comments and chatty e-mails are what make my day more positive and goad me on to do what I need to do. I also read and paint when the mood strikes me.

So, you see, my brain actually figured out something right all on its own. Amazing!

Whether you take medication for ADD or not, follow these pointers. They're great.

And, so I will leave you with a poem that I wrote back in 1992. This is really how my mind works... Scary, I know! LOL

I Can’t Think!

Firecrackers of color

explode in my brain.

Ideas plip-plop.....Wait!

What was that?

She said what?

I can’t do it!....or can I?

If I try?

What if I did this....

Frustration, confusion,

immense desperation.

INPUT........IN

PUT.....INPUT

Thousands of ideas

incomplete.

I feel another thought.....

I can’t believe he said that.....

What point was I making?

Who did what?

How could I......

But what should I......

I forget......

HELP!!!!!!

Girlfriends...

More often lately, I seem to be getting e-mails that truly touch me, either in the funny bone or the heart... This is one I just received that reminds me of all of my Sisters:

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another , 'Let's fight together,'
Another , 'Let's walk away together.'
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ...
Those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7 th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
AND ONLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO,
Pass this on to the women that God has placed in your life
To make a difference.

They say I have ADD, but they don't understand...

I cracked up when I first saw this t-shirt! Yes, I am the poster child for ADD. My daughter would argue and say that she and my grandson are. Oh, well... I'll be generous and say that the three of us can share the title! LOL

I just realized that the last three posts I've made have been on the same subject. Enough of that! I have a reputation to live down to.

It amazes me, the number of people who have decided that ADD absolutely must be treated medically. Let's all run out and grab some Ritalin! Nope. Think of how recently the condition has become a regular diagnosis... Ugh. Those of us who are older had to learn mechanisms for dealing with it and we have! Yay us!!! I won't say that meds aren't the answer for everyone, just that society is too free with them.

My mind is constantly all over the place. I might be talking to you or typing in here and, I guarantee you, there are at LEAST three other activities going on in this tired little brain of mine. Actually falling asleep when I lay down in bed at night? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

Before I go to bed, I have to have at least two of these conditions well established: Mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, sick, have a low pain level (I have tons of old, fairly serious injuries that still ache), have a few drinks in me, or take a handy dandy benadryl (I don't do sleeping pills and benadryl is what's in all of those PM formulas like Tylenol PM, etc.). If only one of those conditions exist, it's insane.

I lay down and start relax. Think how wonderful my nice comfy bed feels. A gentle smile begins spreading across my face. Yummmmmmmmm... Suddenly, my brain kicks in! "I know, I know!!! That's what we'll do tomorrow!" or "OMG I can't believe I did that" or "What's going on with ____?" or "Shit. I forgot ____" or all of the above plus more. The thoughts grow until they're of monstrous proportions. I deal with one topic and then the next insinuates itself in my brain. Then it's all circling around until I want to scream.

So, what to do? One of the mechanisms I've learned is to intensely focus on one thing... And that one thing has to be incredibly boring. So, I'll think about going to the grocery store with my list in hand. I'll picture myself going down each and every aisle, picking up the things I need and putting them in my basket, etc. Or I'll go through the household chores for the next day and mentally move through all of the tasks. If my mind tries to deviate, I have to rein it back in and focus more strenuously. It takes a hell of a lot of discipline and "discipline" is SO not my middle name! LOL If I'm only mentally tired, the whole routine is even more difficult. Loads of fun. Blah.

And moving through daily existence? Let me tell you, if you can hold my undivided attention through thirty minutes of conversation, you are truly someone special! Every comment leads to ten sidebars in this overworked little brain of mine. Even writing these posts takes an inordinate amount of time since I frequently get sidetracked.

So, what do I do about all of the real life stuff? I find ways to make the everyday stuff more pleasurable (read my post about Rituals) or find some exciting element in even the most mundane. Vacuuming leads to musical furniture. A day of running errands becomes lunch with a friend or a trip to Pier 1 (yes, I'm an addict!).

Learning new things can be quite difficult. For many matters, the learning process is far from stimulating... Not all of the time, just mostly. At least to me. The best way for me to learn is not from books or instructions, rather from an individual that is passionate, excited about what they're doing. And the new thing has to hold some interest for me (with those things I absolutely MUST learn, it can be almost impossible to find that interest) or present a challenge. Give me dry text and all I can deal with is a paragraph or two before the thing goes flying across the room (did I mention I have a temper??? ).

I have a fairly high IQ (scary, isn't it?). I don't know if that's common with ALL individuals with ADD. However, it applies to most I know. I WANT to be challenged! I WANT to be able to know or do uncommon things. It gives me my little "tee hee's" in life. It's very important to have those "tee hee's", ya know.

And driving? OMG One of my psych professors taught us that when we become comfortable with driving, we all enter this zone that's sort of like an automatic pilot. Add in a brain that's examining a variety of subjects at the speed of light... Well, I sometimes wonder that they let me have a license! Of course, that's an opinion I hold for 80% of the drivers on the road. Didn't they really get their licenses at the local discount store??? I can't tell you the number of times I've ended up taking a scenic route to my destination since I get sidetracked by my thoughts. I wind up driving towards one of my "normal" places rather than a place that might be a different direction.

I have ADD, not ADHD. Sometimes I feel that "H" is thrown around entirely too frequently as well. Some people are just naturally kinetic. And, kids? OMG I can't believe we expect them to sit through hours and hours of the educational process! I can't sit down that long and I've been on this planet for more than half a century.

I have a friend in the educational field who once said that all seventh graders should have nothing but gym class that entire school year. I loved that comment and heartily agree. Perhaps elementary school kids should spend at least the first two hours of their day in the same circumstance. Let them bounce off of the walls for a while, get past that endorphin stage, and THEN sit down to learn.

Another psych professor of mine once gave this alarming statistic: Something like 80% (it's been a while so I could be wrong on the exact percentage) of prison inmates are or have been on Ritalin. Now, is this a result of the condition or the drug? That's a question that neuropsychologists have been studying for ages. Still, it's a scary thought, isn't it.

So I say, let's enjoy our hyper brains. Find some mechanism that works for you and let's all have a good time with life. Put the fun back into dyfunctional! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On...

"According to my watch the time is now,
The past is dead and gone.
Don't try to shake it, just nod your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on...
Don't try to explain it, just bow your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

Jimmy Buffett



Buffett wrote that song about Hurricane Katrina, but every time the shit hits the fan or things are looking down, I try to keep those words in mind. They hold. The past is finished. Hopefully something has been learned. The future is undetermined. There is only so much we can do in preparation. What is important is the now, this tiny moment in time. So, what are you going to do with it?

You know, I actually own a watch like the one mentioned in this song? LOL Yup. Bought it from "Signals" a few years back. In place of the mechanism is a bit of sand and a small stone that has the word "NOW" written on it. I bought it because of my belief in the Tao principals.

Living in the "Now" sounds like an easy thing to do, right? Wrong. It's probably one of the most difficult. We're all too good at the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" game. And it's REALLY hard when things aren't going the way we'd like. So, what can we do?

A game plan for the future, near or distant, is always a good thing. But how
about creating one for this very second of time? If things aren't so great right this instant, is it possible to find some tiny bit that is good? I believe our sanity depends on it.

Walk outside and take a look around... Wow! Look at what we've got! Look at the clouds, moon, sun and stars. Check out the diversity of flora and fauna. The processes of the green world are what allow us to have the air we need to live. How cool is that?

The world around us is an awesome thing, but so is that world inside each of us. Regardless of any similarities, we are all entirely unique. Our minds race and our emotions flow as our hearts beat and we breathe...

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

Sitting in the midst of a garden or perhaps on the edge of the water... Maybe even among a crowd of people.

Exhale, Inhale, exhale...

Infinite molecules moving at a set pace create everything that we see, everything that we are. Energy defines us all.

Turn inward and outward at the same time and stretch out your hands. Let the energy flow.

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

We are part of everything and everything is a part of us, each a vital piece of an amazing machine. The past has shaped our world just as it has shaped us. The future is an uncertainty. The only thing guaranteed is now.

The idea of control is absurd. All we can control is our own minds and actions. Even love flows where it will.

Stretch out your senses. Let go.

Exhale, inhale, exhale..
Tune out the sounds around you and simply be. All that matters is the breath. Release everything else.

You are beautiful for the simple reason that you exist. That is enough.

It is time to merely breathe in, breathe out, embrace the now, then move on.

Namaste.