Now That I've Had My WHINE and Cheese!

'WINTER'
a poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT...It's Cold!

The End

Well, that post on winter was rather depressing, eh? We all have days... sometimes LOTS of them... during which we feel that way... Just kind of lost. I know I'm not alone in that. Why did I post something that whiny? Maybe so that someone else would feel a connection and understand. It's "normal" for people to get to that place now and then. Damn! Did I just use the "N" word??? LOL

It's a full moon, so I couldn't sleep but my brain has yet to engage, so let's just say I'll build on this post. Good Morning, boys and girls! Waaaaaaake up!!!

And here's a neat article to keep you busy for a bit while I put my brain back in: Full Moon Now, where did I leave that brain jar???

Don't you just HATE it when you have your own personal pity party??? Yikes! It makes me nuts. (Yea, yea, yea. I know. Too late.) Once it's over and done, I always wonder where that came from. Boredom and a desire to find that "something special" that's always featured in prose and songs, I suppose. I think we set ourselves up for that one on a regular basis.

So... Tis the season, boys and girls. Christmas, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Kwanzaa... Hell, Howling at the Moon in the Depths of Winter... whatever you celebrate. It seems we all celebrate something at this time of year. Some primeval sense of "Hey, I'm surviving", perhaps? It's GOOD to come together, whatever the reason.

Saturnalia is the Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. Since the dawn of humankind, it has been celebrated as the death of the old and rebirth of the new. The tradition that modern civilization partakes of on New Year's is appropriate during the Yule season as well. What better time to come together with those near and dear to us? To touch and reaffirm?

It's also a good time to do a little self-evaluation.

A friend of a friend has this expression that she uses whenever she gets the urge to cut the clutter. She calls it "de-shitting". Maybe this year, we can de-shit our lives? Cut away the crap that bogs us down and free up some personal space for those things that are really important, home and family (this includes our "chosen family" as well).

It sure sounds good on paper, doesn't it? Let's think about it...

Take this holiday season. How many of us get so wrapped up (hehe) in the holiday season that stress becomes our middle name? Now I ask you... WHY? It's like we're in this competition to get the newest and best for EVERYONE. That typically translates into "expensive".

Okay... this opinion doesn't count for the littles on our lists... well, maybe to a certain extent it does, because we go waaaaaaaaay overboard with them as well.

Gift-giving is supposed to be a joy, a mark to show we care, that someone is in our thoughts... It's a physical reminder of a bond. The price tag is NOT a gauge of that affection. So, why are freaking cars advertised as the perfect gift? I'd severely throttle anyone who gave a vehicle as a present!

It's time to rethink this strategy, to cut it back to a more reasonable possibility. My parents' generation didn't spend big bucks like we do today. One gift (except for the kiddies) for a few select individuals or a family as a whole and you were done. Wow... Just think of the breathing room that would leave, much less the pressure on ye olde credit card.

And I can't tell you how many homes with children have the appearance of a toy store explosion at this time of the year! Those "poor" babies don't know which way to turn or what to play with simply because there are so many choices. People! Less is more, particularly in this example. Let them have a few well-chosen things to treasure. Quality not quantity.

Turn back the hands of time. Especially now when we're all feeling something of a monetary pinch. Pare down that list. Lower how much you're willing to spend. Hell, let's go back to the handmade present. Or chocolate... Y'all can give me lots and lots of good dark rich... What was I saying??? Oh, yea... Lists. LOL

So in this season of commercialism, I give you something without price yet overflowing with all I am. I send to you all my deepest wishes for love and home... for a heart that knows its worth... for time to enjoy those things special to us... but most of all, for peace.

Happy Holidays!

Winter as Loneliness

Winter sets in as does the pain in my joints, so here I sit... either in my studio with the little space heater cranked on high or in front of a roaring fire in the living room as close to the hearth as I can. The only voice most of the time is my own as I talk to my small pack of dogs. I'm tired as I don't sleep well in these cold months... and I dream of summer... The hot humid days, the laughter of friends around me, and the beach.

Most of all, I'm lonely. I'm not one of those people who does well alone day after day. Oh, it's fine if I'm alone by choice, but when I'm not? I don't like this...

Perhaps you wonder where are all of those that I love so well and who normally fill my life? Ahhh... there's the crux. Life happens. Regardless of what we do, there's an ebb and flow to everything around us. Right now, things are simply flowing in another direction. Most of them are involved in other aspects of their lives. It happens. But... DAMN! Did it have to happen to everyone at once???

I've learned to hate the cold cloudy days when the wind blows and the rain falls like tears. I used to find some contentment in this season... I don't know where that went. Emotions can be so ephemeral. In my case, they always are. I've been known to change with the seconds on the clock.

So what shall I do with myself in this dour season? That's what I ask myself every day when I awake. There ARE possibilities after all, but none of them sound appealing. I could paint... I have two canvases in progress. I could read... I have at least 10 books waiting for me. I could clean... (I have a REAL problem with that one. Love a clean, neat house. Hate the process.) God knows there's always cleaning to be done. I don't want to do any of those things.

I have no clue what's wrong with me. Maybe a case of SAD... (Boy, they named that one right, didn't they???) But that doesn't seem correct. It's one of those things that, when I try to grasp and define it, it simply slips away. Perhaps I'm merely too introspective? That tends to happen whenever I have so much time on my hands.

I know this is the whole "fantasy vs. reality" argument that I always present, but I see things on tv or in postings online and there's this huge happy world of friends and entertainments and interaction and LIFE represented. Where can I buy into some of that? Not all the time, just now and then??? I want that shared inside joke and laughter at goofy things. I want people around to tease me or chastise me over some small mishap. Damn it!

In the summer... even in the spring and fall, I can be positive. I can get excited and see the world as my realm to explore. I can even claim occasional moments of insight and wisdom. So, where has it all gone?

I just realized that my problem is I'm discontent. What right have I to that? There are so many who do so much with less... I'm a survivor. I have survived life. But, what else? "Now is the hour of our discontent"... Bull shit!

I create paintings that I haven't the means to show. I write words that perhaps might mean something, but I'll never know. I've raised my children... and they're good people. Now what?

No one will hire me because of my limitations. Don't you hate that word??? Limitations. Fuck that. I have a good mind and I love to learn. Hell, I have a couple of minor degrees. Whatever. I can organize and manage things like most wouldn't believe and have a knack for nailing problems on the head. Argh...

I've always been that person that steps outside of the mainstream and I LIKE that about me. I guess I'm the "black sheep" or the "red-headed stepchild". I don't care. That makes me interesting, don't you think? I'm that "other perspective"! LOL

Ahhhh... Humor, at last!

I have no patience for pathetic drama, especially my own. So, what can I do within the walls of my own home to create an effect? to bring interaction and the human touch? How can I bring purpose to the who and what of me??? I've lived more than half a century. There should be SOMETHING to harvest in that! If not, I guess I'm screwed.

If only I could grasp that ephemeral something I chase round and round in my head!

For now, I'll simply raise my glass in a toast to those ears out there that hear me. My deepest thanks!

Desiderata

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and little writing. Sometimes that's just the way things go.

I've thought of hard times (haven't we all?), friendship, religion, faith (yes, they ARE two separate things), relationships, finances, politics. The list goes on and on...

It's strange how all of my thoughts have kept winding around to a bit of prose from my youth. This "poem" (it certainly isn't a story) struck me to the depths of my soul when I first heard it. It continues to do so still, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Perhaps it might bring you some peace as it does me.


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

written by Max Ehrmann in 1927

Buddhist Thoughts...

"The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances."
Atisha.

"Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.”
Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh.

"When the mind begins to become still, we then begin to truly see it. When you first try to stabilize and pacify the mind, initially it will become very busy because it’s not accustomed to being still. In fact, it doesn’t even necessarily want to become still, but it is essential to get a hold of the mind to recognize its nature. This practice is extremely important. ... Eventually you will find yourself in a state where your mind is clear and open all the time. It is just like when the clouds are removed from the sky and the sun can clearly be seen, shining all the time. This is coming close to the state of liberation, liberation from all traces of suffering. ... The truth of this practice is universal. It isn’t necessary to call it a religion to practice it. Whether one is a Hindu or a Moslem or a Christian or a Buddhist simply doesn’t matter. Anyone can practice this because this is the nature of the mind, the nature of everyone’s mind. If you can get a handle on your mind, and pacify it in this way, you will definitely experience these results, and you will see them in your daily life situation. There is no need to put this into any kind of category, any kind of "ism."
Venerable Gyatrul Rinpoche

The Eight-Fold Path
Sila is morality — abstaining from unwholesome deeds of body and speech. Within the division of sila are three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Speech — One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way (samyag-vāc, sammā-vācā)
2. Right Actions — Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm (samyak-karmānta, sammā-kammanta)
3. Right Livelihood — One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly (samyag-ājīva, sammā-ājīva)

Samadhi is developing mastery over one’s own mind. Within this division are another three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Effort/Exercise — One makes an effort to improve (samyag-vyāyāma, sammā-vāyāma)
2. Right Mindfulness/Awareness — Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness (samyak-smṛti, sammā-sati)
3. Right Concentration — Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion. (samyak-samādhi, sammā-samādhi)

Prajñā is the wisdom which purifies the mind. Within this division fall two more parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Thoughts — Change in the pattern of thinking. (samyak-saṃkalpa, sammā-saṅkappa)
2. Right Understanding — Understanding reality as it is, not just as it appears to be. (samyag-dṛṣṭi, sammā-diṭṭhi)

May you find peace in your soul.

On Being Me

I'm an artist. It isn't just something I do. It is the who and what of me. It permeates all that I am, all that I do, how I react and behave. It is in my sleeping mind and racing thoughts. It is my soul.

I sometimes wonder why it is that I paint or create or write. I don't earn my keep by any of these means... It'd be nice if I could... And it's such an expensive process, in time as well as money. So, why?

It isn't that I paint all the time. But even when I'm not actively attacking a canvas, my brain is planning, building, developing... following that chain of "what ifs". It isn't even just my oils that suffer for my desire.

There's playtime with watered down acrylics ebbing and flowing in their pools of water in a battle between what I want and what they will. Chaos vs. intent. What a rush!

And my home bears with my need to create... Musical furniture and the push and pull of this going there and that going away until everything meets some inner agenda that my foggy brain must achieve.

Then there's me... with the tattoos and piercings and hippie chic.

The outside world redefines itself to my personal distinctions. I don't see race or age or gender. Rather, I see color and texture and shape. I walk through spaces arrogantly reassigning the placement of everything I encounter to match my inner rhythm. Only Nature is free from my mental gymnastics. It plays the song that drives me.

Words and feelings light another facet of my prism. All of these thoughts flashing through my head. I think... I believe... I KNOW... I know... I know... I know... Ideas that won't shut up until I speak them out loud or write them down. It's frustrating!

But, mostly I paint.

Do you know that the canvas sometimes scares me? It challenges me that I might fail. It stares with its monocular vision, saying "all right, what ya gonna do NOW?", "can you follow through with the next step?", "are you good enough?".

I'm good. Not great, just good. I don't have that "something extra" that strives for excellence. When I've had enough, I'm done with that particular piece. I can easily break it down to "this is wrong" or "that could be better". But, why? I'll do better on the next one. It's all a learning experience, a chance for growth. There's still so many times when I'm NOT good enough, but that's okay. I do what I do. I figure even the masters had an occasional crappy piece! LOL We just don't hear about it.

Right now, I'm in progress... First, I have this piece that is just too much fun. It's an up-close-and-personal a la Georgia O'Keefe of an oyster shell. I know I have a minimum of 30 layers of paint on it by now. It's getting close to done... But it isn't there yet!

It's full of irridescents and metallics. From each angle that I look at it, the color shifts and changes. I'm starting to build in the darks and lights now. Acrylics and water. The color pooling and sliding to create a thing of the sea. Rather poetic, don't you think?

There's a canvas on my easel as well. Prussian blue fading to a dark cerulean in one little corner. This will be the deepest ocean where a jellyfish of hot pinks and oranges dances ever so delicately. Oils are the only medium in which I can produce that fineness of existence. I'm looking forward to it... But first I have to let the background dry.

Lastly, there's the blank canvas leaning against the wall of my studio, still wrapped in plastic. It knows what it wants to be. But can I do it?

Each artist has their own forte. Not to say that's ALL they produce, it's just a tendency. Mine is the human figure in oils. In particular, the female form. "Paint what you know" is the mantra that I learned by, so what better than the gender I was born to?

I danced for a large part of my life, so I began painting dancers, then moved on. I was an interpreter (sign language), so have paintings that display the beauty of that language. Now I'm finally coming around to who I am in my soul by painting things of the beach and water. Do you realize how damned hard it is to try and capture something that changes in the blink of an eye? Wow! Wish I could get someone to show me how to do this... but I'll figure it out eventually... I hope!

People ask me all the time "why don't you sell your stuff?". It takes me at least 3 weeks to create a piece from start to finish. Perhaps it's that I started my life as an artist in the realm of the three dimensional, but I "build" my paintings, layer by layer. I work mostly in pure color and don't want this hue to pollute that tone. By the time I've called it done, they each have well over 100 hours invested in them. And people complain when I quote $1200 minimum? Nah, I think I'll just keep my babies.

I have over $1000 in brushes, $400 in paints, and a varying amount in canvases. Then there's thinners, extenders, varnishes, cleaners, conditioners, not to mention easels... Whew! Like I said earlier, this isn't some cheap pastime.

I think maybe I'm the bane of my husband's existence! LOL Poor baby. I put so much time and money into something he can't comprehend. But he knows that it drives me and it's who I am, so it's okay because he loves me. Good man, isn't he?

Meanwhile, here I sit at my computer, literally watching the paint dry... Waiting for that moment when I can carry out these temporary desires.

But if that blank canvas over there says ONE MORE WORD... LOL

Peace, guys!

We Suck!

We have become a society of apathetic morons.

Let’s look at the environment… The experts have been telling us for decades that we’re fucking it up. We’re treating our world like it’s our own personal toilet. We’re constantly taking a mega-dump with all of the refuse of our lives.

Driving down the road and finishing up that burger and Coke… out the window with the trash. After all, we don’t want to mess up our cars, do we? Finished with that cigarette? Throw it out there, too. It isn’t going to start a fire. That’s crazy. And who cares if it’ll take a decade for that filter to break down? It’s just one little cigarette butt.

Tired of that old recliner? TV isn’t working quite right? Throw them into the local landfill. Why should we even consider fixing something when it’s so easy (and often cheaper) to replace it with something new. After all, we deserve the newest and best. Recycle? Reduce? Reuse? Why???

How about disaster victims? We look abroad to see horrendous things happen and we are SO there. People! What about the hurricanes, the fires, and the floods we have right here in our own backyards? Sure, at the beginning we’re all about “Oh, how awful” or “Send help fast”. But give it a couple of weeks and we start screaming at the Powers That Be about “wasting money” to help out the areas hit. Does the general public not have any idea how long it takes to rebuild?

We have our own poor and starving. Why are we so fixated on those in other countries? What's up with that?

We have a huge population of people with various conditions that require special considerations on a day to day basis.

The Deaf have their issues with the hearing. Hey, you can talk about a Deaf person right in front of them… If they aren’t facing you, they haven’t a clue. Pretty fun, huh? Yank their chain a bit? Why not?

Do you know how EASY it would be to teach our kids fingerspelling and American Sign Language along with their ABCs and grammar? Never mind that it’s been proven to reinforce learning in kids. But we teach our kids Spanish? What’s wrong with this picture?

Handicapped parking. Oooo, there’s a big one! Let’s borrow Grandma’s car since it’s cold and raining so we don’t have to walk so far. So what if someone has to unload a wheelchair or if they use a cane or walker. They might not even go to the store today.

There are countless individuals with diabetes, epilepsy, Parkinson’s, and more. We have a growing population of seniors. All of these people require various considerations or, at the very least, knowledge and understanding. Why should we take a bit of time to learn anything that might help make these people’s lives any easier? It isn’t us, right?

And God forbid that anyone should have an emergency requiring immediate attention by a government official, physician, or corporation. Have we cried “wolf” too often? The Powers That Be certainly seem inured to the possible need for an expedited solution.

We talk about how advances in civilization have made the world a smaller place. I say that the world is vanishing for many. We’ve taken advantage of the luxuries that computers have provided to the point that some of us don’t even have to leave home unless we choose.

We can shop online. We can work online. Hell, we can even have friends and lovers online without all of the messiness and time traditionally involved! The New Improved Friends in a Box! Need to take the edge off? We have the Lovely Libby Live on web cam! Yes, we can do it all on our own schedule for only $19.95. No muss, no fuss.

Back in the day, when someone moved into a neighborhood, there would be a welcome wagon. How many of us even know what our closest neighbors look like?

There was a time when our elders were respected and revered, taken into our homes if necessary. One of the largest growing businesses today is the nursing home or assisted living venue. Why should we be bothered if Grandpa can’t handle things on his own anymore? We’ve got things to do and people to see… Plus there’s that 9pm with the computer.

We are indeed a population of egocentric fools.

Is this a fad or a trend? I hope to hell it’s the former! If not, we are so screwed.

Yea… Apathy. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Halloween as Samhain

Fall is the time we celebrate the harvest. Spiritually, it is the time when we reflect on reaping what we have sown. However, few realize what Halloween truly celebrates, that is Samhain (pronounced "sowan").

The following is from the web site, http://home.comcast.net/~buaidh/Samhainn.html

Samhainn begins at dusk on October 31, the eve of the new Celtic year. Oidhche Shamhna ("oi-kha haw-na"), the Eve of Samhainn, was the most important part of Samhainn. Villagers gathered the best of the autumn harvest and slaughtered cattle for the feast. The focus of each village's festivities was a great bonfire. Villagers cast the bones of the slaughtered cattle upon the flames. (The English word "bonfire" comes from these "bone fires.") With the bonfire roaring, the villagers extinguished all other fires. Each family then solemnly lit their hearth from the one great common flame, bonding all families of the village together.

The eve of the Celtic year was a very holy time. The Celts believed that Oidhche Shamhna was a gap in time. Our world and the Otherworld came together on the night between the old and new years. The dead could return to the places where they had lived. Many rituals of Oidhche Shamhna provided hospitality for dead ancestors. Celts put out food and drink for the dead with great ceremony. Villagers left their gates, doors, and windows unlocked to give the dead free passage into their homes. Swarms of spirits poured into our world on November Eve. Not all of these spirits were friendly, so Celts carved the images of spirit-guardians onto turnips. They set these jack o'lanterns before their doors keep out unwelcome visitors from the Otherworld.

There was also a much lighter side to the Celtic New Year rituals. Children put on strange disguises and roamed the countryside, pretending to be the returning dead or spirits from the Otherworld. Celts thought the break in reality on November Eve not only provided a link between the worlds, but also dissolved the structure of society for the night. Boys and girls would put on each other's clothes, and would generally flout convention by boisterous behavior and by playing tricks on their elders.

Divination of the events of the coming year was another prominent feature of Samhainn. Celts used hazelnuts, symbols of wisdom, to foretell the future. Bobbing for apples, another traditional Samhainn pastime, was a reference to the Celtic Emhain Abhlach, "Paradise of Apples," where the dead, having eaten of the sacred fruit, enjoyed a blissful immortality.

So, you can see that many of the ways that were celebrated in the days of eld have survived to this day. Another tradition that I find beautiful is one that also involves the communal bonfire... Each person writes on pieces of paper those negative things in his or her life. It can be personal traits, outside influences, or things in life from which one needs to separate oneself. Then, one by one, these papers are thrown into the fire and the smoke carries them away. Isn't that lovely?

Now you know the meaning behind some of the things we do, which makes the season even more special. Perhaps we can bring some of the lovely old traditions back? However you choose to celebrate, have a happy safe family-centered time... Commemorate those who have gone before, those you loved... And watch out for the ghoulies behind you! Mwahahahahaha

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On...

"According to my watch the time is now,
The past is dead and gone.
Don't try to shake it, just nod your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on...
Don't try to explain it, just bow your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

Jimmy Buffett



Buffett wrote that song about Hurricane Katrina, but every time the shit hits the fan or things are looking down, I try to keep those words in mind. They hold. The past is finished. Hopefully something has been learned. The future is undetermined. There is only so much we can do in preparation. What is important is the now, this tiny moment in time. So, what are you going to do with it?

You know, I actually own a watch like the one mentioned in this song? LOL Yup. Bought it from "Signals" a few years back. In place of the mechanism is a bit of sand and a small stone that has the word "NOW" written on it. I bought it because of my belief in the Tao principals.

Living in the "Now" sounds like an easy thing to do, right? Wrong. It's probably one of the most difficult. We're all too good at the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" game. And it's REALLY hard when things aren't going the way we'd like. So, what can we do?

A game plan for the future, near or distant, is always a good thing. But how
about creating one for this very second of time? If things aren't so great right this instant, is it possible to find some tiny bit that is good? I believe our sanity depends on it.

Walk outside and take a look around... Wow! Look at what we've got! Look at the clouds, moon, sun and stars. Check out the diversity of flora and fauna. The processes of the green world are what allow us to have the air we need to live. How cool is that?

The world around us is an awesome thing, but so is that world inside each of us. Regardless of any similarities, we are all entirely unique. Our minds race and our emotions flow as our hearts beat and we breathe...

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

Sitting in the midst of a garden or perhaps on the edge of the water... Maybe even among a crowd of people.

Exhale, Inhale, exhale...

Infinite molecules moving at a set pace create everything that we see, everything that we are. Energy defines us all.

Turn inward and outward at the same time and stretch out your hands. Let the energy flow.

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

We are part of everything and everything is a part of us, each a vital piece of an amazing machine. The past has shaped our world just as it has shaped us. The future is an uncertainty. The only thing guaranteed is now.

The idea of control is absurd. All we can control is our own minds and actions. Even love flows where it will.

Stretch out your senses. Let go.

Exhale, inhale, exhale..
Tune out the sounds around you and simply be. All that matters is the breath. Release everything else.

You are beautiful for the simple reason that you exist. That is enough.

It is time to merely breathe in, breathe out, embrace the now, then move on.

Namaste.

The Beach

Wow... How can I describe this thing that is so much of what I am?

Recently, a friend sent me the following poem and I immediately thought "yea, that's what the beach is to me".

Water’s Edge by Rose Limongi

My body collapses where land and ocean meet,

My hot toes dig into the cool damp sand,

Burrowing in the granules of time in search of comfort.

The golden orb glides into the horizon, hues of orange and purple trumpeting the departure

My arms wrap tightly around my warm, pink skin

It is here at water's edge that I long to become reacquainted with myself - body, mind and soul

The blue green waves nip at my ankles, inching ever higher

Like a playful pup they come back again and again

Each wave contains the deepest secrets of ocean life

My mind ponders the meaning of life at water's edge

It is here that I solve the problems of the world

It is here that I grieve - my salty tears spilling into the saltier water - forming a perfect union

It is here - at water's edge - that I come to terms with myself honestly - strengths and weaknesses

My toes sink further down, the water trenching out my feet without mercy

I don't mind - for there is always more than enough sand to share

The faint smell of fish and seaweed linger in my nostrils

Rather than repulse, I draw deeply in - savoring the scent of peace that comes with them

The occasional plump sea gull swoops down in search of a meal

Only to be robbed by the pelican who is coming in lower and smoother

Like a dance they continue to scour the ocean surface for a delicacy

At water's edge the dead give up their secrets

Trinkets, and remnants, jewels and death all visit - indiscriminately

Cold, dead jellyfish whose sting knows no end

Is positioned next to the perfect sea shell with mother of pearl coloring

Parts of larger sea life wash ashore - anonymously so

Yet a closer inspection tells quite a tale of brave battle and noble death

As the sun gently kisses the sky goodnight, a chill begins to envelop me

A light gray-white mist rises from the water to lull all to slumber

The still warm water is beckoned home for the night

There is something about the water's edge that pulls me ever nearer

The endless possibilities - for no two visits are ever the same

Familiar yes, but each one has it's own signature - like the waves when they reach the shore

At water's edge I find myself again,

I am reminded of the awesome majesty of mother nature

Each wave coming from a far, exotic land where another pair of feet dig toes into the sand.

Then I thought some more (dangerous occupation, I know) and realized... These words have such a sad timbre and that isn't what I feel there. It's something intangible. Whenever I try to tie it down, it simply slips away.

The beach feeds me. I don't know how else to put it. It's like the eternal Mother, drawing me to her breast and lending me an excitement that carries me on and through. It constantly changes. From one second to the next, its shape and texture are redefined. The rhythm of the waves is heartbeat and breath. The water and the shore are the circle of life. These are eternal.

Think about parking and getting out of the car. First, there's the walk through the soft, loose sand. It envelopes us as we stride forward. It gives, yet forces us to strain towards our goal. It can be cool, warm, hot as hell, but it is never cold or indifferent. It conforms to our passing, yet it takes strength to move through. And, regardless of how careful we are, a bit of it travels with us even when we leave.

We get to the edge of the tide. This is where we have to be careful. It seems strong, ungiving. It feels like we can plant our feet there and stretch up to the sky. Then the tiniest bit of wave barely kisses our feet and that hard, packed sand simply washes away. We stumble.

The water catches us. If it's a quiet summer day, we are engulfed in its liquid warmth, not unlike the womb. If it's spring, fall, or (God forbid) winter, we are shocked into action. Should it be a windy day, we are knocked about and can choose either to fight it or go with the flow and have some fun.

But my favorite beach days are the stormy ones. Not the ones full of lightning overhead... I'm not stupid! LOL Rather the ones where the clouds scuttle across the sky, racing the wind in their angry progression... The waves heave ever forward with their furious white foam... The grasses thrash, almost pulled from the ground by the power of Nature. The darkness of the day creates a curious intensity of color. Those days fill me from within, without, seeping into every pore of my being. An indefinable excitement fills me to the point that I feel I can run so fast I almost fly. I want to laugh and shout with the wind that tangles my hair and rips at my clothes. It's incredible!

As I stand on the edge of the water’s caress, when I feel its power and stand in awe, it is so easy to seem insignificant. Then I realize, even the tiniest grain of sand has a purpose here. The sand, the water, the wind, the sky, the fish, the birds, all of Nature and me… we’re all parts of the same whole. How awesome is that?

When I was a teenager, we didn't have much. In fact, I grew up quite poor. A wonderful thing that happened was when someone gave my older brother a 3-speed bike. I immediately claimed it. That bought my freedom.

There was a particular part of the beach where we all hung out. It was about 8 miles from the house where I grew up. From the time I was about 15, every chance I got I would hop on that bike and ride for all I was worth to the beach. If it was the weekend, I'd spend the day hanging out with friends. But my soul depended on (at the very least) seeing the sun set.

There is simply something so wondrous, so indelible, so intangible about the sunset. You don't have to be a poet or artist to see it. It's impossible to capture that power, the evolution of brilliant changing color until that single moment suspended in time when at last the sun is swallowed by the water. Sometimes I think that if we could truly grasp that and hold it forever that everything in our lives would be all right.

Now, I live quite a bit north of the beach front, but that's okay. I know it's there, waiting for me. Sometimes when I have errands to run, I make certain that my path takes me down along the beach. To simply SEE it can be enough to help me breathe again. Every now and then, I actually stop and take a short walk, even if I'm in a hurry. I need it. Then I can leave whatever I can't carry right there at the water's edge. Or I can inhale its essence and find that special joy. I never walk away unaffected.

But when I can, I go down there with no special purpose in mind and I walk... and listen... and take it all in. It's so important to truly SEE what's around us. To remember.

All of this is very philosophical, but sometimes the beach simply IS. It doesn't require any explanation or validation. It's there. It's good.

So I leave this posting with one of my favorite quotes:

"Going barefoot is the gentlest way of walking and can symbolize a way of living — being authentic, vulnerable, sensitive to our surroundings. It's the feeling of enjoying warm sand beneath our toes, or carefully making our way over sharp rocks in the darkness. It's a way of living that has the lightest impact, removing the barrier between us and nature." — Adele Coombs, "Barefoot Dreaming"

Take off your shoes, wiggle your toes, and enjoy!

Mea Maxima Culpa

It amazes me when I think about the context of this post that our country was founded on the concepts of religious freedom and free speech among others. The sentiments I utter here have probably caused me to be villified by some since it isn't accepted by the mainstream. Is it so wrong to question, to follow a path that is still good although not one of popular belief? I don't think so. When did we become a nation of sheep?

I don't criticize anyone's beliefs as long as they a) follow the right-hand path and b) don't try to shove their ideals down my throat. What right has anyone to grant me a lesser position in society because mine are of a different bent?

I'm not a Christian. Shoot me now and get it over with. I don't know exactly WHAT you'd call me... Damned, I suppose, if you are a Christian, but I don't believe that. I suppose that if I must claim a religious dogma, it would be Buddhism.

But you see, I believe that the story of Jesus Christ is only a very small segment of the overall picture. I don't DISbelieve in him. What I disbelieve is that people have any right to define God (I use that name here as it's the most familiar to the most people. I could just as easily say our Maker, our Creator, etc. etc.) and I seriously believe that anything written or translated by humankind is immediately faulty.

What do I believe? I once read a book about the Dalai Lama in which he said something to the effect that if we all would sit down together... the Christians, Jews, Pagans, Buddhists, et al... and simply talk rather than scream our convictions that we'd find we're all after the same things: a life defined by what is good in the context of ourselves, our society, and our world. I feel that's quite true.

I believe that God has brought us individuals throughout history to show us that path in a way we can best understand it at that point in time... Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, and so many many more. I believe the failure in our lives and in our world lie no deeper than the fault within ourselves. We're too busy shouting our righteousness at the top of our lungs to hear the quiet little whisper within our hearts.

I believe that God is Mother, Father, Everything and Nothing. I believe that all of the rules of all of the benevolent religions can be boiled down to the Wiccan Rede, "an it harm none, do what you will". But you have to understand those eight little words to strive towards their full scope.

What constitutes harm? The ten commandments give us lying, stealing, killing, adultery, and more. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. We can harm others with an innocuous word at the wrong time. Bet you never thought of that. We harm one another daily by word and deed, action and inaction. Truth is good, but there are times when an uttered truth can cause the greatest damage of all. At times like those, isn't it better to keep silent or, possibly, even prevaricate? This coming from the woman that couldn't even lie about the existence of Santa Claus to her own kids! LOL The point is that verbal harm is a simple thing to employ.

Then there's the thing of how we harm ourselves... I'm not talking about deliberately playing in the traffic. What I mean is that we harm ourselves by not pursuing the best physical conditioning we are capable of, by not eating the foods that are proper for our nourishment (chocolate IS on that list now, right???), by choosing not to educate our minds, by refusing to allow love into our lives regardless of the form that love might take (animal, mineral, vegetable, young, old, male, female, another religion or race), by not seeking to evolve. To quote Jimmy Buffett "I treat my body like a temple, you treat yours like a tent." Mine is somewhere in between... perhaps a well-worn Winnebago? LOL

I believe that we were created then gifted with this wonderful, marvelous world. In return, we either desecrate it or ignore it. We rarely partake. How sad... especially since I believe that this world is our cathedral. Take a step outside and observe the tiniest microcosm of this planet, then the skies above you to begin to understand.

I believe there are GOOD people in this world and that if we strive for the good that heaven will welcome us. This is something I believe to be inarguable... Well, I guess those who don't believe in a heaven would argue. LOL Every established religion is rabid in the belief that those not of their faith will never "see the Light". I can't help but believe they are wrong. The Dalai Lama burn in Hell??? I don't think so!

I can't remember where I got this quote or if it's even accurate as I type it here, but it goes like this... "Once a religion has existed long enough to become established, it ceases to be a matter of faith rather it has become a matter of politics." Yup. Sounds about right to me. I grew up in the Catholic church and have seen that one in action. Next, I expect them to try and cut up my food for me since they seem to believe they have the right to rule so much of my life and everyone else's.

I don't believe it really matters what we call ourselves... Christian, Pagan, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist... In the end, those are simply words. Nor do I feel it's important what name we use for the Supreme Being that watches over us all as long as we accept that Goodness into our hearts. What I DO believe is important is that we walk gently upon this earth and live a life that strives towards compassion, wisdom, and love... that we cease to judge others no matter what yardstick we use and that we behave with honor.

So, am I damned? I don't think I am, but there's only one way to find out and I'm not ready for that yet. Perhaps many eastern religions are correct in that we keep coming back until we get it right. That'd be nice since I've made some serious fuck-ups in my life. What is more important is that we have faith over religion and that we learn to listen and heed the whisper of God within us. It won't let us down. My faith is deep. I just hope to hell it's on the right track! LOL

"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder." Homer Simpson