Yea, I’ve got the pilosophical debate downpat... We’re all dying, it’s a state we move closer to each day from the moment we’re born. Or the next one, "Hey, the world could end tomorrow"... Or even "I could get run over by a greyhound bus the next time I cross the street" (although that one would be tricky considering where I live!)... All of those are valid. I get that. But Elly has a definite timeline... Her cancer has metastasized and is now in at least three areas of her body. She’s a decade younger than me and she’s dying.
This woman has seen the other side of hell from a very early period of her life and she’s survived with integrity and grit. With the first stroke of cancer, she lost her eye, but not her heart. She’s been through nineteen chemos... NINETEEN!!!... and she still moves forward with all of the love and compassion that anyone could ever possess.
As any of you know who have either had a serious condition or have known someone who has, there are days when that person BECOMES the disease... That’s all they are. I know it well. And, yes, sometimes Elly has days like that.
Sometimes she’s so angry that she doesn’t know what to do with it all. I’d be mad as hell and doubt I could ever stop raging. I’d be stomping my feet and screaming at the top of my lungs "It isn’t fair!!!".
And sometimes she cries...
She dreams of the grandchildren that have yet to come while she holds close those already born. She fears for the family, friends, and awesome husband she’ll leave behind. She doesn’t have a lot when it comes to material things, but she cherishes every tiny part of what she does have.
But, above all... She does NOT want to go!
When you look at her and speak to her... Wow! She has a smile that can light up a room and it flashes so easily. This does NOT look like our concept of someone at death’s door. It isn’t that she’s in denial of any sort. To paraphrase her, I’m not dead yet! And that’s how she lives... Not belly up and whining, but with passion and hope and love.
How many of us belly-up (not to the bar!) at the least hardship or complain that others can’t understand. True, no one can understand ANYTHING that another is going through, even if we’ve been in the same situation for the simple fact that we are not that other person. We can’t see through another’s eyes or heart or soul.
But, Elly... God, I wish you all could meet her. She will teach you what it means to fight for your life!
Thank you, Elly, for reminding me to count the things I have rather than complain about what I don’t have... to feel my strength rather than my limitations... to strive for beauty in a world that sometimes isn’t so lovely. But, most of all, Elly, thank you for coming into my life!
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