Rituals of Being Me...

Life has become chaotic. There's no doubt of that. And, in all of our hurrying and scurrying about, we create shortcuts. It's a given. I believe that the time has come for us to step outside of the rat race and seriously examine those minute details of life that we've shunted aside, because we're beginning to lose important parts of ourselves as a whole.

No longer do we gaze in wonder at the world around us. Our children are raised in a succession of day care personnel, teachers, baby-sitters, and various family members (it's unavoidable due to the fact that a single income household that can thrive today is a rarity). Special events lose their magnitude in the mad rush. But there IS one small thing we can reinstate in our lives... our personal rituals.

A ritual can be something all-encompassing... the family dining together at the end of the day or a tradition, such as how we celebrate a major holiday. But a ritual can also be some small little thing that allows us to smile, to breathe, to embrace just a few minutes of contentment... It can be the perfect coffee cup that fills a hand just so. It can be the aroma of a favored meal. It can be a well-worn sweater. A ritual doesn't have to be time-consuming or intense. It's importance can exist in its simplicity.

Imagine, after a long day, enjoying a glass of wine... nothing expensive, just a light refreshing taste that rolls around the tongue. BUT just think of pouring that wine into a glass perfectly crafted to fit your own senses... the perfect color that makes you happy, thin enough that it rings when you rim it with your finger but strong enough that its fragility doesn't create any stress. Now picture it with a stem that slides justso between your fingers and balances perfectly in your hand. You sit in a favorite spot and linger amidst the environment you've chosen. This has taken a simple glass of wine into the realm of ritual and it soothes.

I have this sweater... God only knows how old it is... It's worn and ragged and stretched to alarming proportions, but when I'm ill or feeling blue, I can put it on and it becomes a never-ending embrace. It moves me to complete my "down day" with a light-weight book and perhaps a bowl of soup and encourages me to be kinder to myself.

I have another shirt that makes me feel down-right sassy when I'm feeling particularly unattractive. Note: I'm over-the-hill and overweight. But when I wear it, I can pretend I'm something special. Feeling immediately better, I then apply a bit of makeup and fix my hair... Et voila... I really DO look a little more attractive!

Having dealt with these two articles of clothing over and over in the same situations with the same results has made the wearing of them at those specific times another ritual of mine.

Here's one... The perfect coffee cup. Imagine waking up in the morning and fixing your favorite coffee (if you don't have a favorite, search for one asap! It's the stuff that makes mornings bearable.). As it brews, the fragrance fills the room. Pour it into the perfect cup... one that's wide at the lip so the fragrance is a continuous bombardment... short so there's little worry of tipping it... and rounded so that it fits firmly into the palms of your hands as you clasp it for that first sip, embracing its warmth... Ahhhhhhhhh.

Taking something that's an everyday occurence and turning it into something special doesn't require a lot of time, but it can so easily create a tiny moment in which we have a better outlook on ourselves and our lives.

It's amazing how much difference can be found in simply making the bed in the morning before you leave. Even if the rest of the room is a mess, there's this quiet neat little space that says welcome home at the end of the day... Okay, the bed is made, now how about leaving a chocolate (not a good idea if you have pets!) or a flower on the pillow only for you? Or, take it a step further and perhaps spray your pillowcases with a favorite scent. Imagine the haven you've created with just one or two extra steps... Now, that is a ritual to feed the soul!

This is one that is so much a part of me that if interrupted carries a penalty of extreme torture to the miscreant... I wake up at daybreak most mornings (yea, I know... Ugh!). The coffee is started while I boot my computer. I fix my cup (see above), then leisurely go through my e-mails and read the news online as I sip my morning drink. Okay, I admit it, sometimes I cheat and have an iced mocha latte instead. LOL Same diff. The point is that I absolutely HATE it when anyone interrupts this chain of events and I remain cranky for the better part of the morning. Don't mess with my rituals!

How about buying fresh cut flowers for yourself? Why wait for someone else to think of it? You deserve them, right? And, guys, you can enjoy flowers as well... It's a thing not limited by gender (I almost said "sex"... Woohoo!). Pick a certain day of the week and make that your flower day. Bring the blooms home and arrange them in a funky glass or a classic vase. Put them in an important space. Then as you meander through the room where they are, you can realize that you ARE special and smile.

In the past few years, I've discovered a rather cool little trick... Whenever I go to buy something for our home, I try to create a "circumstance" around it. This causes said purchase to become something of a souvenir rather than just a piece of furniture or plates or a new knick-knack. I get a friend to go with me or meet me for lunch or, maybe prior to the purchase, e-mail pics back and forth and share opinions with a long-distance friend. Then, whenever I look at my purchase, I remember that experience and it makes that item so much more than what it is.

Another thing I've been doing is getting rid of the excess in my life (de-shitting, to quote a friend) on a weekly basis by assigning myself one drawer or a couple of shelves in a closet or whatever and organizing so that looking for things becomes a pleasure instead of a trial. Home becomes sanctuary rather than tedium. An embarassment becomes something calming and a source of pride, a ritual of cleansing.

So, how else can we create those precious little moments for ourselves without a huge investment of either time or money? How do we make the commonplace things and events in our lives into instances that cause us to sigh or smile? How can we pamper ourselves with simplicity for a minute or a week... as a seasonal expedition or a daily routine... We need to grasp those little details that make us enjoy who we are. We deserve it!

So, sometime today, have a chocolate on me... Well, not LITERALLY!