Monday, January 18, 2016

Declaration of Independence

One of the more profound things that The Wizard taught me is that when we CHOOSE a stance, it's much more palatable to take than when the choice is forced upon us. I spend far too much time alone for the person I am. So I will now CHOOSE to be alone. Which means that I'm breaking up with everyone in my real life. I realize that friendships take work to maintain and I'm a little broken in that department thanks to the state of my body and the fact that I live BFE. I wish I could be better at it! I honestly do since there are some wonderful people out there. But I'm making THIS choice for my own mental health. Selfish, eh? No more invites or calls or random messages... Everyone knows how/where to find me and that my door is always open for you. 

There are all of these lovely memes floating around... pretty words... Some of them don't mean shit, though. Like that one about how sometimes friends can be separated for years and when they meet up again, it can seem like yesterday. It's true IF you pick the thread back up and weave it once more into the fabric of your life. But... If you're lucky enough to have someone in your life who understands you and that you enjoy, don't think it's okay to put off spending time with that person until next week or next month or next year. It isn't. Nurture and honor those relationships, because each of us could easily be gone tomorrow. Be available to your friends. Don't take their presence in your life for granted.

I've decided that from here on, I only want warriors in my life.  I crave those people who have fought and scratched for life, leaving them bloodied but so ALIVE.  I want the heroes.  I want to see you as raw, as stripped down as I am...  your nerves exposed so I can KNOW you, see you, for who you are.  I want to see the scars around your heart like fresh water pearls...  twisted and bent but still so beautiful.  I want your honesty.  I want to bask inside of your Light.  We can share our Darkness with that candle glow...  together.

I want what is real...  not the will o' wisp so many chase into the endless woods.

Life is far too short and others consider friendship a fleeting thing.  I've learned better.  I've been thrown away.  I rescued myself.  Help me brush off the bruises and scrapes.  We can heal together.