How Did This Happen and How Do I Make It Stop???

Yea, yea... I'm angsting again! So, sue me...

I look in the mirror (when I can't avoid it) and wonder who in the hell is that woman? I KNOW who I am in my head, but the reflection doesn't match. It's weird... and scary.

I want my long hair back! Waaaaaaaaa... Can't wear it long anymore. Something with this aging shit makes it break off. And, I've always had fine hair, but now it's thin as hell as well (hey, that rhymes!). Argh!!! So I keep it short and that isn't right. I'm a long-haired hippy chick.

I read articles that say women over 40 shouldn't wear this or that. Screw that attitude! I'm a beach girl and we're all about blue jeans and breezy shirts, shorts and flip flops. Wish I could get away with the whole "cut-offs and bikini top in the summer" thing these days, but I don't want to scare the local population. Yea, I've seen women do that who really shouldn't and I am SO not gonna join that crowd. Can we say "ewwwwwwwwwww"???

And, then there's this weight thing. I'm about 25 pounds overweight (it sure looks like a hell of a lot more than that to me) and it won't go away.

The hormones and chemicals in my body are doing the electric slide... I freeze, then I sweat. I get happy-go-lucky, then I rage or get down... I mean I like being unpredictable, but that's a bit ridiculous... Ya think? I know... there's HRT. Been there, done that, had enough.

Another thing is that most people my age (the ones that I SHOULD adopt as my friends), well frankly, most of them are boring as hell. They all have these safe little niches from which they never venture. The few my age that ARE my friends are the ones that refuse to live their lives in a predetermined box. The rest of my friends... OMG Since they're so young, they must think I'm ancient and just plain weird... What a minute! I AM among the strange and unusual.

So... Who IS that woman in the mirror and what do I DO with her??? How do I make the outside match the inside without surgery or the fashion police or the men in white coats coming after me? Or my in-laws??? Now, THAT'S a scary thought!

When I was young, we didn't mind people staring at us (after all, we were hippy freaks)... In fact, I think that's what we were after all the while we were flipping them off for that very reason. I liked being unique. Still do. But, if anyone were to stare at me now, I'd like it to be for GOOD reasons, not "what the fuck is THAT?" And, if I remember correctly, that happened not too many years ago... little shit! I wanted to flip her off as well, but retained my dignity.

I want to be me. I want to celebrate who I see in that mirror. Numbers don't matter to me, but that reflection sure does.

How in the hell did this happen???

Now That I've Had My WHINE and Cheese!

'WINTER'
a poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT...It's Cold!

The End

Well, that post on winter was rather depressing, eh? We all have days... sometimes LOTS of them... during which we feel that way... Just kind of lost. I know I'm not alone in that. Why did I post something that whiny? Maybe so that someone else would feel a connection and understand. It's "normal" for people to get to that place now and then. Damn! Did I just use the "N" word??? LOL

It's a full moon, so I couldn't sleep but my brain has yet to engage, so let's just say I'll build on this post. Good Morning, boys and girls! Waaaaaaake up!!!

And here's a neat article to keep you busy for a bit while I put my brain back in: Full Moon Now, where did I leave that brain jar???

Don't you just HATE it when you have your own personal pity party??? Yikes! It makes me nuts. (Yea, yea, yea. I know. Too late.) Once it's over and done, I always wonder where that came from. Boredom and a desire to find that "something special" that's always featured in prose and songs, I suppose. I think we set ourselves up for that one on a regular basis.

So... Tis the season, boys and girls. Christmas, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Kwanzaa... Hell, Howling at the Moon in the Depths of Winter... whatever you celebrate. It seems we all celebrate something at this time of year. Some primeval sense of "Hey, I'm surviving", perhaps? It's GOOD to come together, whatever the reason.

Saturnalia is the Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. Since the dawn of humankind, it has been celebrated as the death of the old and rebirth of the new. The tradition that modern civilization partakes of on New Year's is appropriate during the Yule season as well. What better time to come together with those near and dear to us? To touch and reaffirm?

It's also a good time to do a little self-evaluation.

A friend of a friend has this expression that she uses whenever she gets the urge to cut the clutter. She calls it "de-shitting". Maybe this year, we can de-shit our lives? Cut away the crap that bogs us down and free up some personal space for those things that are really important, home and family (this includes our "chosen family" as well).

It sure sounds good on paper, doesn't it? Let's think about it...

Take this holiday season. How many of us get so wrapped up (hehe) in the holiday season that stress becomes our middle name? Now I ask you... WHY? It's like we're in this competition to get the newest and best for EVERYONE. That typically translates into "expensive".

Okay... this opinion doesn't count for the littles on our lists... well, maybe to a certain extent it does, because we go waaaaaaaaay overboard with them as well.

Gift-giving is supposed to be a joy, a mark to show we care, that someone is in our thoughts... It's a physical reminder of a bond. The price tag is NOT a gauge of that affection. So, why are freaking cars advertised as the perfect gift? I'd severely throttle anyone who gave a vehicle as a present!

It's time to rethink this strategy, to cut it back to a more reasonable possibility. My parents' generation didn't spend big bucks like we do today. One gift (except for the kiddies) for a few select individuals or a family as a whole and you were done. Wow... Just think of the breathing room that would leave, much less the pressure on ye olde credit card.

And I can't tell you how many homes with children have the appearance of a toy store explosion at this time of the year! Those "poor" babies don't know which way to turn or what to play with simply because there are so many choices. People! Less is more, particularly in this example. Let them have a few well-chosen things to treasure. Quality not quantity.

Turn back the hands of time. Especially now when we're all feeling something of a monetary pinch. Pare down that list. Lower how much you're willing to spend. Hell, let's go back to the handmade present. Or chocolate... Y'all can give me lots and lots of good dark rich... What was I saying??? Oh, yea... Lists. LOL

So in this season of commercialism, I give you something without price yet overflowing with all I am. I send to you all my deepest wishes for love and home... for a heart that knows its worth... for time to enjoy those things special to us... but most of all, for peace.

Happy Holidays!

Winter as Loneliness

Winter sets in as does the pain in my joints, so here I sit... either in my studio with the little space heater cranked on high or in front of a roaring fire in the living room as close to the hearth as I can. The only voice most of the time is my own as I talk to my small pack of dogs. I'm tired as I don't sleep well in these cold months... and I dream of summer... The hot humid days, the laughter of friends around me, and the beach.

Most of all, I'm lonely. I'm not one of those people who does well alone day after day. Oh, it's fine if I'm alone by choice, but when I'm not? I don't like this...

Perhaps you wonder where are all of those that I love so well and who normally fill my life? Ahhh... there's the crux. Life happens. Regardless of what we do, there's an ebb and flow to everything around us. Right now, things are simply flowing in another direction. Most of them are involved in other aspects of their lives. It happens. But... DAMN! Did it have to happen to everyone at once???

I've learned to hate the cold cloudy days when the wind blows and the rain falls like tears. I used to find some contentment in this season... I don't know where that went. Emotions can be so ephemeral. In my case, they always are. I've been known to change with the seconds on the clock.

So what shall I do with myself in this dour season? That's what I ask myself every day when I awake. There ARE possibilities after all, but none of them sound appealing. I could paint... I have two canvases in progress. I could read... I have at least 10 books waiting for me. I could clean... (I have a REAL problem with that one. Love a clean, neat house. Hate the process.) God knows there's always cleaning to be done. I don't want to do any of those things.

I have no clue what's wrong with me. Maybe a case of SAD... (Boy, they named that one right, didn't they???) But that doesn't seem correct. It's one of those things that, when I try to grasp and define it, it simply slips away. Perhaps I'm merely too introspective? That tends to happen whenever I have so much time on my hands.

I know this is the whole "fantasy vs. reality" argument that I always present, but I see things on tv or in postings online and there's this huge happy world of friends and entertainments and interaction and LIFE represented. Where can I buy into some of that? Not all the time, just now and then??? I want that shared inside joke and laughter at goofy things. I want people around to tease me or chastise me over some small mishap. Damn it!

In the summer... even in the spring and fall, I can be positive. I can get excited and see the world as my realm to explore. I can even claim occasional moments of insight and wisdom. So, where has it all gone?

I just realized that my problem is I'm discontent. What right have I to that? There are so many who do so much with less... I'm a survivor. I have survived life. But, what else? "Now is the hour of our discontent"... Bull shit!

I create paintings that I haven't the means to show. I write words that perhaps might mean something, but I'll never know. I've raised my children... and they're good people. Now what?

No one will hire me because of my limitations. Don't you hate that word??? Limitations. Fuck that. I have a good mind and I love to learn. Hell, I have a couple of minor degrees. Whatever. I can organize and manage things like most wouldn't believe and have a knack for nailing problems on the head. Argh...

I've always been that person that steps outside of the mainstream and I LIKE that about me. I guess I'm the "black sheep" or the "red-headed stepchild". I don't care. That makes me interesting, don't you think? I'm that "other perspective"! LOL

Ahhhh... Humor, at last!

I have no patience for pathetic drama, especially my own. So, what can I do within the walls of my own home to create an effect? to bring interaction and the human touch? How can I bring purpose to the who and what of me??? I've lived more than half a century. There should be SOMETHING to harvest in that! If not, I guess I'm screwed.

If only I could grasp that ephemeral something I chase round and round in my head!

For now, I'll simply raise my glass in a toast to those ears out there that hear me. My deepest thanks!

Desiderata

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and little writing. Sometimes that's just the way things go.

I've thought of hard times (haven't we all?), friendship, religion, faith (yes, they ARE two separate things), relationships, finances, politics. The list goes on and on...

It's strange how all of my thoughts have kept winding around to a bit of prose from my youth. This "poem" (it certainly isn't a story) struck me to the depths of my soul when I first heard it. It continues to do so still, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Perhaps it might bring you some peace as it does me.


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

written by Max Ehrmann in 1927

Finis!

Woohoo! I finished it! LOL Looks much more impressive in person since the colors shift from every angle due to the layers of color. It's 36x48, so the size makes a difference as well. New subject matter for me, so I'm rather proud of it.

Now, if I can only get off of my ass and get a new canvas roughed in...

Buddhist Thoughts...

"The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances."
Atisha.

"Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.”
Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh.

"When the mind begins to become still, we then begin to truly see it. When you first try to stabilize and pacify the mind, initially it will become very busy because it’s not accustomed to being still. In fact, it doesn’t even necessarily want to become still, but it is essential to get a hold of the mind to recognize its nature. This practice is extremely important. ... Eventually you will find yourself in a state where your mind is clear and open all the time. It is just like when the clouds are removed from the sky and the sun can clearly be seen, shining all the time. This is coming close to the state of liberation, liberation from all traces of suffering. ... The truth of this practice is universal. It isn’t necessary to call it a religion to practice it. Whether one is a Hindu or a Moslem or a Christian or a Buddhist simply doesn’t matter. Anyone can practice this because this is the nature of the mind, the nature of everyone’s mind. If you can get a handle on your mind, and pacify it in this way, you will definitely experience these results, and you will see them in your daily life situation. There is no need to put this into any kind of category, any kind of "ism."
Venerable Gyatrul Rinpoche

The Eight-Fold Path
Sila is morality — abstaining from unwholesome deeds of body and speech. Within the division of sila are three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Speech — One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way (samyag-vāc, sammā-vācā)
2. Right Actions — Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm (samyak-karmānta, sammā-kammanta)
3. Right Livelihood — One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly (samyag-ājīva, sammā-ājīva)

Samadhi is developing mastery over one’s own mind. Within this division are another three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Effort/Exercise — One makes an effort to improve (samyag-vyāyāma, sammā-vāyāma)
2. Right Mindfulness/Awareness — Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness (samyak-smṛti, sammā-sati)
3. Right Concentration — Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion. (samyak-samādhi, sammā-samādhi)

Prajñā is the wisdom which purifies the mind. Within this division fall two more parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Thoughts — Change in the pattern of thinking. (samyak-saṃkalpa, sammā-saṅkappa)
2. Right Understanding — Understanding reality as it is, not just as it appears to be. (samyag-dṛṣṭi, sammā-diṭṭhi)

May you find peace in your soul.

Coping with ADD

The other day, I had the misfortune of a long wait in a doctors office and had forgotten to bring along a book... Sacrilege, I know! I looked around, expecting to find ancient copies of Better Homes and Gardens (the New Victorian Craze!) or at least a National Geographic. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Just one half-shredded issue of Game and Fish in a basket full of "publications".

I don't know what to call those things... They haven't enough pages to be a magazine and they're too large to be called a pamphlet. You know the ones, all about various medical conditions. Well, lo and behold, there was one called "Attention: Information and Support for People Affected by AD/HD". Cool!

I picked it up and scanned through it. Lots about medicating and even an article in Spanish. But there was one particular article that caught my eye, "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About AD/HD Coaching (But Were Too Busy to Ask)".

Back when I was young, ADD wasn't a known condition. I don't know if it was an available diagnosis, I only know that we never heard that term and no doctor ever suggested I might have it. When it was finally discovered that I am in fact ADD, I was already at that stage of my life in which I don't care for the idea of taking drugs for much of anything (there are a few exceptions, but I won't go into that here). Instead, I learned my own little coping mechanisms... All on my own! Aren't you proud of me??? LOL

Anyway, back to the article.

It seems that the idea behind this AD/HD coaching is sort of like AA or a Quit Smoking or Weight Loss program in that it provides the client with someone to back up the medication with a reinforcement regime and positive motivation. It's written by Nancy Ratey, EdM, MCC, SCAC (whatever all of those initials might represent!). What caught my attention (no pun intended) was her "Seven Coaching Tips".

1. Pre-Plan the Day Before
Always plan the next day before going to bed. This way you’ll have in your mind what you are going to do, when, and how. You will wake up more directed and centered.
2. Create Book Ends
Get up and go to bed at the same time each day. Having regular body rhythms, as well as predictability and consistency in your schedule, will help increase efficiency.
3. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!
This is KEY to peak performance and to gaining focus and control. Don’t skip it ever!
4. Think in Terms of Threes
To reduce stress, ask yourself to name the three most pressing items for the day that, once completed, will make you feel a sense of accomplishment. These do not have to be BIG items; they can be returning a phone call, filing a file, etc. Write them down and keep that list in front of you. Cross each item off as you complete it. Then move to your next three pressing items.
5. Stop Avoiding
A well-known author once told me, “You become the first thing you do in the morning. If you want to be a writer, write.” People in general know which item on their to-do list that they want to do last. Identify that item and do it first. That is the first step in gaining control!
6. Park It
Distracted by random thoughts? Park them on a piece of notepaper to stay focused on the task at hand! By doing so you can go back to these items later and act on them if necessary. Often these distractions are just that distractions and not priority items.
7. Take Time to Play
Take time off as seriously as you do your year-end report. The cost-benefit of not taking breaks from today’s busy life only sets you up for burnout and loss of control.

Until I read this article, I hadn't realized that my personal coping methods were actually legitimate. I was amazed! And, here my kids just thought I was being anal. No. I've always told them that it's the only way I can get things accomplished since I'm so easily distracted (ooooooo shiny things... ). Here's my take on Ms. Ratey's steps:

1. Pre-Planning
At night before I do my boring little ritual (see prior post on ADD), I think about what I need to do the next day. Then I put these things into a sensible (to me) order. If I don't do it, then I don't typically accomplish much. It REALLY helps if I actually write myself a list, but that doesn't always happen. Witness, last night was an uncomfortable night for me so here I am writing this rather than getting to the things I should. I failed to create a plan.

2. Create Book Ends
I go to bed when I'm tired, so I guess I've never consciously tried this one. However, I usually wake up about the same time each morning and have my own morning rituals that I follow (read OCD!). After that, well, it depends on how well I've followed step 1.

3. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yea, I DO have to have some sort of active period in my day. I try to make it something fun. Sometimes it's a game of musical furniture. In the spring, it might be musical garden! I had thought I'd reached the age at which I didn't need to move so much, but I recently had a friend nickname me "Pop Tart"... Guess I was wrong! Right now, I suppose my PT regime falls under the category of exercise (I can even read while I'm doing the routines on the Total Gym. Nifty, eh?). I've tried walking. Boring! Maybe someone out there can give me some pointers on this one? I've been forbidden to do yoga or real weights right now and can't do aerobics because of my knees. Frustrating!

4. Think in Terms of Threes
I've always kept a short list in my planning, then a list of "if I get this done, I can...". None of the things were as simple as the ones she suggests. But she has a great point about the short list. A sense of having met a goal spurs me on.

5. Stop Avoiding
Oh God! I am the world's WORST procrastinator! LOL Read this one over and over and over... It is a must!

6. Park It
Yup... Make those lists. There's a sign in ASL that can be interpreted as "off point", meaning to stray from the topic. That's me in a nutshell. I get so pissed at myself when I forget things I want to do. Definitely makes me a cranky girl and that helps nothing.

7. Take Time to Play
Did I mention that I'm sitting here at the computer rather than doing what I should??? I take my play time QUITE seriously. I blog, have pages on Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, and I have friends with whom I e-mail on a regular basis. New comments and chatty e-mails are what make my day more positive and goad me on to do what I need to do. I also read and paint when the mood strikes me.

So, you see, my brain actually figured out something right all on its own. Amazing!

Whether you take medication for ADD or not, follow these pointers. They're great.

And, so I will leave you with a poem that I wrote back in 1992. This is really how my mind works... Scary, I know! LOL

I Can’t Think!

Firecrackers of color

explode in my brain.

Ideas plip-plop.....Wait!

What was that?

She said what?

I can’t do it!....or can I?

If I try?

What if I did this....

Frustration, confusion,

immense desperation.

INPUT........IN

PUT.....INPUT

Thousands of ideas

incomplete.

I feel another thought.....

I can’t believe he said that.....

What point was I making?

Who did what?

How could I......

But what should I......

I forget......

HELP!!!!!!

On Being Me

I'm an artist. It isn't just something I do. It is the who and what of me. It permeates all that I am, all that I do, how I react and behave. It is in my sleeping mind and racing thoughts. It is my soul.

I sometimes wonder why it is that I paint or create or write. I don't earn my keep by any of these means... It'd be nice if I could... And it's such an expensive process, in time as well as money. So, why?

It isn't that I paint all the time. But even when I'm not actively attacking a canvas, my brain is planning, building, developing... following that chain of "what ifs". It isn't even just my oils that suffer for my desire.

There's playtime with watered down acrylics ebbing and flowing in their pools of water in a battle between what I want and what they will. Chaos vs. intent. What a rush!

And my home bears with my need to create... Musical furniture and the push and pull of this going there and that going away until everything meets some inner agenda that my foggy brain must achieve.

Then there's me... with the tattoos and piercings and hippie chic.

The outside world redefines itself to my personal distinctions. I don't see race or age or gender. Rather, I see color and texture and shape. I walk through spaces arrogantly reassigning the placement of everything I encounter to match my inner rhythm. Only Nature is free from my mental gymnastics. It plays the song that drives me.

Words and feelings light another facet of my prism. All of these thoughts flashing through my head. I think... I believe... I KNOW... I know... I know... I know... Ideas that won't shut up until I speak them out loud or write them down. It's frustrating!

But, mostly I paint.

Do you know that the canvas sometimes scares me? It challenges me that I might fail. It stares with its monocular vision, saying "all right, what ya gonna do NOW?", "can you follow through with the next step?", "are you good enough?".

I'm good. Not great, just good. I don't have that "something extra" that strives for excellence. When I've had enough, I'm done with that particular piece. I can easily break it down to "this is wrong" or "that could be better". But, why? I'll do better on the next one. It's all a learning experience, a chance for growth. There's still so many times when I'm NOT good enough, but that's okay. I do what I do. I figure even the masters had an occasional crappy piece! LOL We just don't hear about it.

Right now, I'm in progress... First, I have this piece that is just too much fun. It's an up-close-and-personal a la Georgia O'Keefe of an oyster shell. I know I have a minimum of 30 layers of paint on it by now. It's getting close to done... But it isn't there yet!

It's full of irridescents and metallics. From each angle that I look at it, the color shifts and changes. I'm starting to build in the darks and lights now. Acrylics and water. The color pooling and sliding to create a thing of the sea. Rather poetic, don't you think?

There's a canvas on my easel as well. Prussian blue fading to a dark cerulean in one little corner. This will be the deepest ocean where a jellyfish of hot pinks and oranges dances ever so delicately. Oils are the only medium in which I can produce that fineness of existence. I'm looking forward to it... But first I have to let the background dry.

Lastly, there's the blank canvas leaning against the wall of my studio, still wrapped in plastic. It knows what it wants to be. But can I do it?

Each artist has their own forte. Not to say that's ALL they produce, it's just a tendency. Mine is the human figure in oils. In particular, the female form. "Paint what you know" is the mantra that I learned by, so what better than the gender I was born to?

I danced for a large part of my life, so I began painting dancers, then moved on. I was an interpreter (sign language), so have paintings that display the beauty of that language. Now I'm finally coming around to who I am in my soul by painting things of the beach and water. Do you realize how damned hard it is to try and capture something that changes in the blink of an eye? Wow! Wish I could get someone to show me how to do this... but I'll figure it out eventually... I hope!

People ask me all the time "why don't you sell your stuff?". It takes me at least 3 weeks to create a piece from start to finish. Perhaps it's that I started my life as an artist in the realm of the three dimensional, but I "build" my paintings, layer by layer. I work mostly in pure color and don't want this hue to pollute that tone. By the time I've called it done, they each have well over 100 hours invested in them. And people complain when I quote $1200 minimum? Nah, I think I'll just keep my babies.

I have over $1000 in brushes, $400 in paints, and a varying amount in canvases. Then there's thinners, extenders, varnishes, cleaners, conditioners, not to mention easels... Whew! Like I said earlier, this isn't some cheap pastime.

I think maybe I'm the bane of my husband's existence! LOL Poor baby. I put so much time and money into something he can't comprehend. But he knows that it drives me and it's who I am, so it's okay because he loves me. Good man, isn't he?

Meanwhile, here I sit at my computer, literally watching the paint dry... Waiting for that moment when I can carry out these temporary desires.

But if that blank canvas over there says ONE MORE WORD... LOL

Peace, guys!

Keepers

Y'all know that I don't believe in coincidence... Life is just so ODD sometimes! LOL

Recently, I posted about apathy and waste. Here's an e-mail I just received that I'd like to share...

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a housedress, lawn mower in one hand, and dishtowel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there would always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So...While we have it ... it is best we love it.... And care for it.... And fix it when it is broken..... And heal it when it is sick.

This is true... For marriage.... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards..... Dogs and cats with bad hips.... And aging parents.... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special.... And so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper,' so I have sent it to the people I think of in the same way...