Love, Friendship, and All of That Messy Stuff

It's funny to me that when we talk about love, we always relate it to fire. Why is that? Think about the four elements... earth, air, fire, water.

Should we relate it to air, it becomes something ethereal, intangible, which it is. Air is a thing one cannot hold or touch, yet it caresses us in its passing. It can be weak or strong, cool or hot. Yet it is life and breath. It is the soft caress, the glance that is here then gone. It is uncontrollable. Sounds a bit like love, eh?

Then there's water. We cannot survive without water, even if we have air. Scientifically, it is the largest part of what we are. Philosophers throughout the ages have pondered the influence that it has on us in relation to the earth and moon. It ebbs and flows, can nurture, crush, and even destroy. It is the excited babble of voices, the tickle of laughter, the rush and swell of emotion. Sounds a lot like love as well.

We choose fire. Why? Fire is powerful and entrancing, yes. But it needs to be constantly fed or it dies. It consumes completely, leaving nothing but ash in its wake. While it burns, it is a thing of beauty and we are drawn to it... like love. It can warm us in the coldest nights, light our way through the dark... But if not contained, it destroys. Don't believe I want that kind of love!

I think I would choose love as earth. Earth is strength. It is home. It is the constant in our lives. We can ignore it, still it endures. When we nurture it, it thrives. THAT is how I feel we need to go into our relationships. However, if we feed it with our castoffs and poison it through our carelessness, it withers and eventually dies. 

We scatter the seeds (hopefully) of our smiles and laughter, nods and greetings throughout our days. If those actions are nurtured and passed on, the wildflowers bring a bit of beauty to our world. But, now and again, we find the seed of something bigger, stronger... perhaps an acorn.

In the beginning, that acorn presents us with a small tender plant that needs to be protected and nurtured. Its fragility is palpable. So we shelter it and prevent it from being taken over by the wildflowers around it. And it grows.

Soon enough, it becomes a sapling... not quite as tender. Winds buffet it, yet it bends without breaking. Floods come and it remains standing due to its flexibility. Fires rage and new growth appears. Over time, though, it becomes a titan of the forest, a king among kings. It provides shelter for the seedlings beneath it. Animals look to it for sanctuary or even as a home. Its dignity and strength are unquestionable. It has become a thing that only the strongest of natural hazards can possibly topple.

THAT is what love can be.

When we search for love, we always want that spark that will ignite the flame within us. I once did that as well... got burned, too! LOL Then I modified my search and instead looked for my own sanctuary, someone who would always have my back. 

Long relationships aren't always easy... They have too many attributes of water and air... and they should! A nice little bonfire now and then is a good thing as well, as long as there is the balance of the rest. The bonfires within a relationship keep things interesting. Fighting can clear the air and passion at the right times is awesome, but neither is the stuff that provides continuity.

Relationships ebb and flow. That's a fact. And GOOD friends and TRUE love can withstand that. People who really know and respect you will understand when there's a need to withdraw or flow in a different direction for a while. And a life partner should know when to become a friend instead. Because friendship can keep a relationship going whenever the passions are banked... a fire can't burn constantly as it requires too much fuel.

I call those with a constant need for the fire, leeches. Think about it. I've seen beautiful relationships with a love so intense that I almost become jealous, but they feed on one another until there's nothing else left. There's no room for anyone or anything else. They nourish and sustain one another. BUT if that passion isn't on an equal basis, one will devour the other... There is a need somewhere in there that has to be constantly fed, that cannot allow one to operate as an individual. It becomes a co-dependency rather than two healthy individuals who are meeting on equal feet. And when one of them dies... there is simply nothing left but the past... Heartbreaking.

Abiding love is peace, whether it's with a partner or friend. It's the comfortable silences and a hand to hold. It encourages strength and growth. It is complete trust. Love encourages us to shine or to stand aside while the other does. It encourages dreams to chase. It stands strong when challenged, yet is awesome in those quiet shared moments. It is wisdom and silence, harsh truths and support, pride in achievements and a shelter in which to hide. It is the everything of who we are since, in order to truly love another, we must first love ourselves.

A true life mate and forever friends may not always be there for the little problems, but let something shattering happen and an amazing thing occurs. It kind of reminds me of the old western tactic of the circling wagons. When we are loved, we become enfolded within both those real and metaphorical arms. We find a place to heal. It is such a soothing place to exist that sometimes it's hard to leave and stand strong again. But we do because we are each meant to be singular and unique.

So, save me the high maintenance. I have no desire for the relationship built entirely of fire, regardless of how beautiful it can be. Give me earth with a touch of water and air... maybe a little bonfire or two, but that's about it. I want all of this to last the rest of my life!

May you find your home.