Now That I've Had My WHINE and Cheese!

'WINTER'
a poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT...It's Cold!

The End

Well, that post on winter was rather depressing, eh? We all have days... sometimes LOTS of them... during which we feel that way... Just kind of lost. I know I'm not alone in that. Why did I post something that whiny? Maybe so that someone else would feel a connection and understand. It's "normal" for people to get to that place now and then. Damn! Did I just use the "N" word??? LOL

It's a full moon, so I couldn't sleep but my brain has yet to engage, so let's just say I'll build on this post. Good Morning, boys and girls! Waaaaaaake up!!!

And here's a neat article to keep you busy for a bit while I put my brain back in: Full Moon Now, where did I leave that brain jar???

Don't you just HATE it when you have your own personal pity party??? Yikes! It makes me nuts. (Yea, yea, yea. I know. Too late.) Once it's over and done, I always wonder where that came from. Boredom and a desire to find that "something special" that's always featured in prose and songs, I suppose. I think we set ourselves up for that one on a regular basis.

So... Tis the season, boys and girls. Christmas, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Kwanzaa... Hell, Howling at the Moon in the Depths of Winter... whatever you celebrate. It seems we all celebrate something at this time of year. Some primeval sense of "Hey, I'm surviving", perhaps? It's GOOD to come together, whatever the reason.

Saturnalia is the Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. Since the dawn of humankind, it has been celebrated as the death of the old and rebirth of the new. The tradition that modern civilization partakes of on New Year's is appropriate during the Yule season as well. What better time to come together with those near and dear to us? To touch and reaffirm?

It's also a good time to do a little self-evaluation.

A friend of a friend has this expression that she uses whenever she gets the urge to cut the clutter. She calls it "de-shitting". Maybe this year, we can de-shit our lives? Cut away the crap that bogs us down and free up some personal space for those things that are really important, home and family (this includes our "chosen family" as well).

It sure sounds good on paper, doesn't it? Let's think about it...

Take this holiday season. How many of us get so wrapped up (hehe) in the holiday season that stress becomes our middle name? Now I ask you... WHY? It's like we're in this competition to get the newest and best for EVERYONE. That typically translates into "expensive".

Okay... this opinion doesn't count for the littles on our lists... well, maybe to a certain extent it does, because we go waaaaaaaaay overboard with them as well.

Gift-giving is supposed to be a joy, a mark to show we care, that someone is in our thoughts... It's a physical reminder of a bond. The price tag is NOT a gauge of that affection. So, why are freaking cars advertised as the perfect gift? I'd severely throttle anyone who gave a vehicle as a present!

It's time to rethink this strategy, to cut it back to a more reasonable possibility. My parents' generation didn't spend big bucks like we do today. One gift (except for the kiddies) for a few select individuals or a family as a whole and you were done. Wow... Just think of the breathing room that would leave, much less the pressure on ye olde credit card.

And I can't tell you how many homes with children have the appearance of a toy store explosion at this time of the year! Those "poor" babies don't know which way to turn or what to play with simply because there are so many choices. People! Less is more, particularly in this example. Let them have a few well-chosen things to treasure. Quality not quantity.

Turn back the hands of time. Especially now when we're all feeling something of a monetary pinch. Pare down that list. Lower how much you're willing to spend. Hell, let's go back to the handmade present. Or chocolate... Y'all can give me lots and lots of good dark rich... What was I saying??? Oh, yea... Lists. LOL

So in this season of commercialism, I give you something without price yet overflowing with all I am. I send to you all my deepest wishes for love and home... for a heart that knows its worth... for time to enjoy those things special to us... but most of all, for peace.

Happy Holidays!

Winter as Loneliness

Winter sets in as does the pain in my joints, so here I sit... either in my studio with the little space heater cranked on high or in front of a roaring fire in the living room as close to the hearth as I can. The only voice most of the time is my own as I talk to my small pack of dogs. I'm tired as I don't sleep well in these cold months... and I dream of summer... The hot humid days, the laughter of friends around me, and the beach.

Most of all, I'm lonely. I'm not one of those people who does well alone day after day. Oh, it's fine if I'm alone by choice, but when I'm not? I don't like this...

Perhaps you wonder where are all of those that I love so well and who normally fill my life? Ahhh... there's the crux. Life happens. Regardless of what we do, there's an ebb and flow to everything around us. Right now, things are simply flowing in another direction. Most of them are involved in other aspects of their lives. It happens. But... DAMN! Did it have to happen to everyone at once???

I've learned to hate the cold cloudy days when the wind blows and the rain falls like tears. I used to find some contentment in this season... I don't know where that went. Emotions can be so ephemeral. In my case, they always are. I've been known to change with the seconds on the clock.

So what shall I do with myself in this dour season? That's what I ask myself every day when I awake. There ARE possibilities after all, but none of them sound appealing. I could paint... I have two canvases in progress. I could read... I have at least 10 books waiting for me. I could clean... (I have a REAL problem with that one. Love a clean, neat house. Hate the process.) God knows there's always cleaning to be done. I don't want to do any of those things.

I have no clue what's wrong with me. Maybe a case of SAD... (Boy, they named that one right, didn't they???) But that doesn't seem correct. It's one of those things that, when I try to grasp and define it, it simply slips away. Perhaps I'm merely too introspective? That tends to happen whenever I have so much time on my hands.

I know this is the whole "fantasy vs. reality" argument that I always present, but I see things on tv or in postings online and there's this huge happy world of friends and entertainments and interaction and LIFE represented. Where can I buy into some of that? Not all the time, just now and then??? I want that shared inside joke and laughter at goofy things. I want people around to tease me or chastise me over some small mishap. Damn it!

In the summer... even in the spring and fall, I can be positive. I can get excited and see the world as my realm to explore. I can even claim occasional moments of insight and wisdom. So, where has it all gone?

I just realized that my problem is I'm discontent. What right have I to that? There are so many who do so much with less... I'm a survivor. I have survived life. But, what else? "Now is the hour of our discontent"... Bull shit!

I create paintings that I haven't the means to show. I write words that perhaps might mean something, but I'll never know. I've raised my children... and they're good people. Now what?

No one will hire me because of my limitations. Don't you hate that word??? Limitations. Fuck that. I have a good mind and I love to learn. Hell, I have a couple of minor degrees. Whatever. I can organize and manage things like most wouldn't believe and have a knack for nailing problems on the head. Argh...

I've always been that person that steps outside of the mainstream and I LIKE that about me. I guess I'm the "black sheep" or the "red-headed stepchild". I don't care. That makes me interesting, don't you think? I'm that "other perspective"! LOL

Ahhhh... Humor, at last!

I have no patience for pathetic drama, especially my own. So, what can I do within the walls of my own home to create an effect? to bring interaction and the human touch? How can I bring purpose to the who and what of me??? I've lived more than half a century. There should be SOMETHING to harvest in that! If not, I guess I'm screwed.

If only I could grasp that ephemeral something I chase round and round in my head!

For now, I'll simply raise my glass in a toast to those ears out there that hear me. My deepest thanks!

Buddhist Thoughts...

"The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances."
Atisha.

"Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.”
Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh.

"When the mind begins to become still, we then begin to truly see it. When you first try to stabilize and pacify the mind, initially it will become very busy because it’s not accustomed to being still. In fact, it doesn’t even necessarily want to become still, but it is essential to get a hold of the mind to recognize its nature. This practice is extremely important. ... Eventually you will find yourself in a state where your mind is clear and open all the time. It is just like when the clouds are removed from the sky and the sun can clearly be seen, shining all the time. This is coming close to the state of liberation, liberation from all traces of suffering. ... The truth of this practice is universal. It isn’t necessary to call it a religion to practice it. Whether one is a Hindu or a Moslem or a Christian or a Buddhist simply doesn’t matter. Anyone can practice this because this is the nature of the mind, the nature of everyone’s mind. If you can get a handle on your mind, and pacify it in this way, you will definitely experience these results, and you will see them in your daily life situation. There is no need to put this into any kind of category, any kind of "ism."
Venerable Gyatrul Rinpoche

The Eight-Fold Path
Sila is morality — abstaining from unwholesome deeds of body and speech. Within the division of sila are three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Speech — One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way (samyag-vāc, sammā-vācā)
2. Right Actions — Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm (samyak-karmānta, sammā-kammanta)
3. Right Livelihood — One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly (samyag-ājīva, sammā-ājīva)

Samadhi is developing mastery over one’s own mind. Within this division are another three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Effort/Exercise — One makes an effort to improve (samyag-vyāyāma, sammā-vāyāma)
2. Right Mindfulness/Awareness — Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness (samyak-smṛti, sammā-sati)
3. Right Concentration — Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion. (samyak-samādhi, sammā-samādhi)

Prajñā is the wisdom which purifies the mind. Within this division fall two more parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:
1. Right Thoughts — Change in the pattern of thinking. (samyak-saṃkalpa, sammā-saṅkappa)
2. Right Understanding — Understanding reality as it is, not just as it appears to be. (samyag-dṛṣṭi, sammā-diṭṭhi)

May you find peace in your soul.

On Being Me

I'm an artist. It isn't just something I do. It is the who and what of me. It permeates all that I am, all that I do, how I react and behave. It is in my sleeping mind and racing thoughts. It is my soul.

I sometimes wonder why it is that I paint or create or write. I don't earn my keep by any of these means... It'd be nice if I could... And it's such an expensive process, in time as well as money. So, why?

It isn't that I paint all the time. But even when I'm not actively attacking a canvas, my brain is planning, building, developing... following that chain of "what ifs". It isn't even just my oils that suffer for my desire.

There's playtime with watered down acrylics ebbing and flowing in their pools of water in a battle between what I want and what they will. Chaos vs. intent. What a rush!

And my home bears with my need to create... Musical furniture and the push and pull of this going there and that going away until everything meets some inner agenda that my foggy brain must achieve.

Then there's me... with the tattoos and piercings and hippie chic.

The outside world redefines itself to my personal distinctions. I don't see race or age or gender. Rather, I see color and texture and shape. I walk through spaces arrogantly reassigning the placement of everything I encounter to match my inner rhythm. Only Nature is free from my mental gymnastics. It plays the song that drives me.

Words and feelings light another facet of my prism. All of these thoughts flashing through my head. I think... I believe... I KNOW... I know... I know... I know... Ideas that won't shut up until I speak them out loud or write them down. It's frustrating!

But, mostly I paint.

Do you know that the canvas sometimes scares me? It challenges me that I might fail. It stares with its monocular vision, saying "all right, what ya gonna do NOW?", "can you follow through with the next step?", "are you good enough?".

I'm good. Not great, just good. I don't have that "something extra" that strives for excellence. When I've had enough, I'm done with that particular piece. I can easily break it down to "this is wrong" or "that could be better". But, why? I'll do better on the next one. It's all a learning experience, a chance for growth. There's still so many times when I'm NOT good enough, but that's okay. I do what I do. I figure even the masters had an occasional crappy piece! LOL We just don't hear about it.

Right now, I'm in progress... First, I have this piece that is just too much fun. It's an up-close-and-personal a la Georgia O'Keefe of an oyster shell. I know I have a minimum of 30 layers of paint on it by now. It's getting close to done... But it isn't there yet!

It's full of irridescents and metallics. From each angle that I look at it, the color shifts and changes. I'm starting to build in the darks and lights now. Acrylics and water. The color pooling and sliding to create a thing of the sea. Rather poetic, don't you think?

There's a canvas on my easel as well. Prussian blue fading to a dark cerulean in one little corner. This will be the deepest ocean where a jellyfish of hot pinks and oranges dances ever so delicately. Oils are the only medium in which I can produce that fineness of existence. I'm looking forward to it... But first I have to let the background dry.

Lastly, there's the blank canvas leaning against the wall of my studio, still wrapped in plastic. It knows what it wants to be. But can I do it?

Each artist has their own forte. Not to say that's ALL they produce, it's just a tendency. Mine is the human figure in oils. In particular, the female form. "Paint what you know" is the mantra that I learned by, so what better than the gender I was born to?

I danced for a large part of my life, so I began painting dancers, then moved on. I was an interpreter (sign language), so have paintings that display the beauty of that language. Now I'm finally coming around to who I am in my soul by painting things of the beach and water. Do you realize how damned hard it is to try and capture something that changes in the blink of an eye? Wow! Wish I could get someone to show me how to do this... but I'll figure it out eventually... I hope!

People ask me all the time "why don't you sell your stuff?". It takes me at least 3 weeks to create a piece from start to finish. Perhaps it's that I started my life as an artist in the realm of the three dimensional, but I "build" my paintings, layer by layer. I work mostly in pure color and don't want this hue to pollute that tone. By the time I've called it done, they each have well over 100 hours invested in them. And people complain when I quote $1200 minimum? Nah, I think I'll just keep my babies.

I have over $1000 in brushes, $400 in paints, and a varying amount in canvases. Then there's thinners, extenders, varnishes, cleaners, conditioners, not to mention easels... Whew! Like I said earlier, this isn't some cheap pastime.

I think maybe I'm the bane of my husband's existence! LOL Poor baby. I put so much time and money into something he can't comprehend. But he knows that it drives me and it's who I am, so it's okay because he loves me. Good man, isn't he?

Meanwhile, here I sit at my computer, literally watching the paint dry... Waiting for that moment when I can carry out these temporary desires.

But if that blank canvas over there says ONE MORE WORD... LOL

Peace, guys!

We Suck!

We have become a society of apathetic morons.

Let’s look at the environment… The experts have been telling us for decades that we’re fucking it up. We’re treating our world like it’s our own personal toilet. We’re constantly taking a mega-dump with all of the refuse of our lives.

Driving down the road and finishing up that burger and Coke… out the window with the trash. After all, we don’t want to mess up our cars, do we? Finished with that cigarette? Throw it out there, too. It isn’t going to start a fire. That’s crazy. And who cares if it’ll take a decade for that filter to break down? It’s just one little cigarette butt.

Tired of that old recliner? TV isn’t working quite right? Throw them into the local landfill. Why should we even consider fixing something when it’s so easy (and often cheaper) to replace it with something new. After all, we deserve the newest and best. Recycle? Reduce? Reuse? Why???

How about disaster victims? We look abroad to see horrendous things happen and we are SO there. People! What about the hurricanes, the fires, and the floods we have right here in our own backyards? Sure, at the beginning we’re all about “Oh, how awful” or “Send help fast”. But give it a couple of weeks and we start screaming at the Powers That Be about “wasting money” to help out the areas hit. Does the general public not have any idea how long it takes to rebuild?

We have our own poor and starving. Why are we so fixated on those in other countries? What's up with that?

We have a huge population of people with various conditions that require special considerations on a day to day basis.

The Deaf have their issues with the hearing. Hey, you can talk about a Deaf person right in front of them… If they aren’t facing you, they haven’t a clue. Pretty fun, huh? Yank their chain a bit? Why not?

Do you know how EASY it would be to teach our kids fingerspelling and American Sign Language along with their ABCs and grammar? Never mind that it’s been proven to reinforce learning in kids. But we teach our kids Spanish? What’s wrong with this picture?

Handicapped parking. Oooo, there’s a big one! Let’s borrow Grandma’s car since it’s cold and raining so we don’t have to walk so far. So what if someone has to unload a wheelchair or if they use a cane or walker. They might not even go to the store today.

There are countless individuals with diabetes, epilepsy, Parkinson’s, and more. We have a growing population of seniors. All of these people require various considerations or, at the very least, knowledge and understanding. Why should we take a bit of time to learn anything that might help make these people’s lives any easier? It isn’t us, right?

And God forbid that anyone should have an emergency requiring immediate attention by a government official, physician, or corporation. Have we cried “wolf” too often? The Powers That Be certainly seem inured to the possible need for an expedited solution.

We talk about how advances in civilization have made the world a smaller place. I say that the world is vanishing for many. We’ve taken advantage of the luxuries that computers have provided to the point that some of us don’t even have to leave home unless we choose.

We can shop online. We can work online. Hell, we can even have friends and lovers online without all of the messiness and time traditionally involved! The New Improved Friends in a Box! Need to take the edge off? We have the Lovely Libby Live on web cam! Yes, we can do it all on our own schedule for only $19.95. No muss, no fuss.

Back in the day, when someone moved into a neighborhood, there would be a welcome wagon. How many of us even know what our closest neighbors look like?

There was a time when our elders were respected and revered, taken into our homes if necessary. One of the largest growing businesses today is the nursing home or assisted living venue. Why should we be bothered if Grandpa can’t handle things on his own anymore? We’ve got things to do and people to see… Plus there’s that 9pm with the computer.

We are indeed a population of egocentric fools.

Is this a fad or a trend? I hope to hell it’s the former! If not, we are so screwed.

Yea… Apathy. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Girlfriends...

More often lately, I seem to be getting e-mails that truly touch me, either in the funny bone or the heart... This is one I just received that reminds me of all of my Sisters:

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another , 'Let's fight together,'
Another , 'Let's walk away together.'
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ...
Those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7 th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
AND ONLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO,
Pass this on to the women that God has placed in your life
To make a difference.

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On...

"According to my watch the time is now,
The past is dead and gone.
Don't try to shake it, just nod your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on...
Don't try to explain it, just bow your head.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

Jimmy Buffett



Buffett wrote that song about Hurricane Katrina, but every time the shit hits the fan or things are looking down, I try to keep those words in mind. They hold. The past is finished. Hopefully something has been learned. The future is undetermined. There is only so much we can do in preparation. What is important is the now, this tiny moment in time. So, what are you going to do with it?

You know, I actually own a watch like the one mentioned in this song? LOL Yup. Bought it from "Signals" a few years back. In place of the mechanism is a bit of sand and a small stone that has the word "NOW" written on it. I bought it because of my belief in the Tao principals.

Living in the "Now" sounds like an easy thing to do, right? Wrong. It's probably one of the most difficult. We're all too good at the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" game. And it's REALLY hard when things aren't going the way we'd like. So, what can we do?

A game plan for the future, near or distant, is always a good thing. But how
about creating one for this very second of time? If things aren't so great right this instant, is it possible to find some tiny bit that is good? I believe our sanity depends on it.

Walk outside and take a look around... Wow! Look at what we've got! Look at the clouds, moon, sun and stars. Check out the diversity of flora and fauna. The processes of the green world are what allow us to have the air we need to live. How cool is that?

The world around us is an awesome thing, but so is that world inside each of us. Regardless of any similarities, we are all entirely unique. Our minds race and our emotions flow as our hearts beat and we breathe...

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

Sitting in the midst of a garden or perhaps on the edge of the water... Maybe even among a crowd of people.

Exhale, Inhale, exhale...

Infinite molecules moving at a set pace create everything that we see, everything that we are. Energy defines us all.

Turn inward and outward at the same time and stretch out your hands. Let the energy flow.

Inhale, exhale, inhale...

We are part of everything and everything is a part of us, each a vital piece of an amazing machine. The past has shaped our world just as it has shaped us. The future is an uncertainty. The only thing guaranteed is now.

The idea of control is absurd. All we can control is our own minds and actions. Even love flows where it will.

Stretch out your senses. Let go.

Exhale, inhale, exhale..
Tune out the sounds around you and simply be. All that matters is the breath. Release everything else.

You are beautiful for the simple reason that you exist. That is enough.

It is time to merely breathe in, breathe out, embrace the now, then move on.

Namaste.

Rituals of Being Me...

Life has become chaotic. There's no doubt of that. And, in all of our hurrying and scurrying about, we create shortcuts. It's a given. I believe that the time has come for us to step outside of the rat race and seriously examine those minute details of life that we've shunted aside, because we're beginning to lose important parts of ourselves as a whole.

No longer do we gaze in wonder at the world around us. Our children are raised in a succession of day care personnel, teachers, baby-sitters, and various family members (it's unavoidable due to the fact that a single income household that can thrive today is a rarity). Special events lose their magnitude in the mad rush. But there IS one small thing we can reinstate in our lives... our personal rituals.

A ritual can be something all-encompassing... the family dining together at the end of the day or a tradition, such as how we celebrate a major holiday. But a ritual can also be some small little thing that allows us to smile, to breathe, to embrace just a few minutes of contentment... It can be the perfect coffee cup that fills a hand just so. It can be the aroma of a favored meal. It can be a well-worn sweater. A ritual doesn't have to be time-consuming or intense. It's importance can exist in its simplicity.

Imagine, after a long day, enjoying a glass of wine... nothing expensive, just a light refreshing taste that rolls around the tongue. BUT just think of pouring that wine into a glass perfectly crafted to fit your own senses... the perfect color that makes you happy, thin enough that it rings when you rim it with your finger but strong enough that its fragility doesn't create any stress. Now picture it with a stem that slides justso between your fingers and balances perfectly in your hand. You sit in a favorite spot and linger amidst the environment you've chosen. This has taken a simple glass of wine into the realm of ritual and it soothes.

I have this sweater... God only knows how old it is... It's worn and ragged and stretched to alarming proportions, but when I'm ill or feeling blue, I can put it on and it becomes a never-ending embrace. It moves me to complete my "down day" with a light-weight book and perhaps a bowl of soup and encourages me to be kinder to myself.

I have another shirt that makes me feel down-right sassy when I'm feeling particularly unattractive. Note: I'm over-the-hill and overweight. But when I wear it, I can pretend I'm something special. Feeling immediately better, I then apply a bit of makeup and fix my hair... Et voila... I really DO look a little more attractive!

Having dealt with these two articles of clothing over and over in the same situations with the same results has made the wearing of them at those specific times another ritual of mine.

Here's one... The perfect coffee cup. Imagine waking up in the morning and fixing your favorite coffee (if you don't have a favorite, search for one asap! It's the stuff that makes mornings bearable.). As it brews, the fragrance fills the room. Pour it into the perfect cup... one that's wide at the lip so the fragrance is a continuous bombardment... short so there's little worry of tipping it... and rounded so that it fits firmly into the palms of your hands as you clasp it for that first sip, embracing its warmth... Ahhhhhhhhh.

Taking something that's an everyday occurence and turning it into something special doesn't require a lot of time, but it can so easily create a tiny moment in which we have a better outlook on ourselves and our lives.

It's amazing how much difference can be found in simply making the bed in the morning before you leave. Even if the rest of the room is a mess, there's this quiet neat little space that says welcome home at the end of the day... Okay, the bed is made, now how about leaving a chocolate (not a good idea if you have pets!) or a flower on the pillow only for you? Or, take it a step further and perhaps spray your pillowcases with a favorite scent. Imagine the haven you've created with just one or two extra steps... Now, that is a ritual to feed the soul!

This is one that is so much a part of me that if interrupted carries a penalty of extreme torture to the miscreant... I wake up at daybreak most mornings (yea, I know... Ugh!). The coffee is started while I boot my computer. I fix my cup (see above), then leisurely go through my e-mails and read the news online as I sip my morning drink. Okay, I admit it, sometimes I cheat and have an iced mocha latte instead. LOL Same diff. The point is that I absolutely HATE it when anyone interrupts this chain of events and I remain cranky for the better part of the morning. Don't mess with my rituals!

How about buying fresh cut flowers for yourself? Why wait for someone else to think of it? You deserve them, right? And, guys, you can enjoy flowers as well... It's a thing not limited by gender (I almost said "sex"... Woohoo!). Pick a certain day of the week and make that your flower day. Bring the blooms home and arrange them in a funky glass or a classic vase. Put them in an important space. Then as you meander through the room where they are, you can realize that you ARE special and smile.

In the past few years, I've discovered a rather cool little trick... Whenever I go to buy something for our home, I try to create a "circumstance" around it. This causes said purchase to become something of a souvenir rather than just a piece of furniture or plates or a new knick-knack. I get a friend to go with me or meet me for lunch or, maybe prior to the purchase, e-mail pics back and forth and share opinions with a long-distance friend. Then, whenever I look at my purchase, I remember that experience and it makes that item so much more than what it is.

Another thing I've been doing is getting rid of the excess in my life (de-shitting, to quote a friend) on a weekly basis by assigning myself one drawer or a couple of shelves in a closet or whatever and organizing so that looking for things becomes a pleasure instead of a trial. Home becomes sanctuary rather than tedium. An embarassment becomes something calming and a source of pride, a ritual of cleansing.

So, how else can we create those precious little moments for ourselves without a huge investment of either time or money? How do we make the commonplace things and events in our lives into instances that cause us to sigh or smile? How can we pamper ourselves with simplicity for a minute or a week... as a seasonal expedition or a daily routine... We need to grasp those little details that make us enjoy who we are. We deserve it!

So, sometime today, have a chocolate on me... Well, not LITERALLY!

Lessons from Elly

I have a wonderful, beautiful friend (of course, all of my friends are wonderful and beautiful!) named Elly... She’s dying.

Yea, I’ve got the pilosophical debate downpat... We’re all dying, it’s a state we move closer to each day from the moment we’re born. Or the next one, "Hey, the world could end tomorrow"... Or even "I could get run over by a greyhound bus the next time I cross the street" (although that one would be tricky considering where I live!)... All of those are valid. I get that. But Elly has a definite timeline... Her cancer has metastasized and is now in at least three areas of her body. She’s a decade younger than me and she’s dying.

This woman has seen the other side of hell from a very early period of her life and she’s survived with integrity and grit. With the first stroke of cancer, she lost her eye, but not her heart. She’s been through nineteen chemos... NINETEEN!!!... and she still moves forward with all of the love and compassion that anyone could ever possess.

As any of you know who have either had a serious condition or have known someone who has, there are days when that person BECOMES the disease... That’s all they are. I know it well. And, yes, sometimes Elly has days like that.

Sometimes she’s so angry that she doesn’t know what to do with it all. I’d be mad as hell and doubt I could ever stop raging. I’d be stomping my feet and screaming at the top of my lungs "It isn’t fair!!!".

And sometimes she cries...

She dreams of the grandchildren that have yet to come while she holds close those already born. She fears for the family, friends, and awesome husband she’ll leave behind. She doesn’t have a lot when it comes to material things, but she cherishes every tiny part of what she does have.

But, above all... She does NOT want to go!

When you look at her and speak to her... Wow! She has a smile that can light up a room and it flashes so easily. This does NOT look like our concept of someone at death’s door. It isn’t that she’s in denial of any sort. To paraphrase her, I’m not dead yet! And that’s how she lives... Not belly up and whining, but with passion and hope and love.

How many of us belly-up (not to the bar!) at the least hardship or complain that others can’t understand. True, no one can understand ANYTHING that another is going through, even if we’ve been in the same situation for the simple fact that we are not that other person. We can’t see through another’s eyes or heart or soul.

But, Elly... God, I wish you all could meet her. She will teach you what it means to fight for your life!

Thank you, Elly, for reminding me to count the things I have rather than complain about what I don’t have... to feel my strength rather than my limitations... to strive for beauty in a world that sometimes isn’t so lovely. But, most of all, Elly, thank you for coming into my life!